Raising Siblings Who Get Along

Guest Post by Rebecca Eanes, Founder of  positive-parents.org and author of Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide.

I am an only child. Sibling rivalry was something I heard about and watched on television, not something I experienced in real life. I had fanciful ideas of living in harmony with a built-in forever friend, a bestie for life. Due in part to my limited experience with sibling relationships and also in part to my idealistic nature, I imagined my children would walk hand-in-hand through life, giggling together all along the way. 

3 Ways You Can Promote Skill-Building in Your Kids

Do you expect your children to multitask?

And by that I mean, something seemingly simple like responding to your request for their clothes to go in the hamper while they're busy organizing their bookshelf. 

Does it seem like they ignore you - like they're not listening at all?

I know this feeling. 

Fear to Freedom in 3 Steps: What To Do In the Middle of Your Child's Emotional Storm

Have you or your child ever been caught in the funnel of fear?

This is where --

• your perspective is limited
• your stress level is rising
• and it feels like the calm is being sucked right out of you

How to Lovingly Guide Children Through Difficult Emotions

My nine-year-old's mood changes are fast and furious these days.

It feels as though one minute we're blissfully dancing in the rain puddles at the park and then suddenly, without warning, we're in a lightning storm, and I'm hanging on for dear life to the metal merry-go-round.

Sound familiar? 

It's jarring, triggering, and entirely maddening.

"I just wanted things to be calm. Why is she being like this?"

Three Ways You Can Be More Empathetic (But Not Permissive) With Your Kids

Empathy can be tricky. 

Do you ever feel like you try to show empathy, but it only makes your child more angry or insistent on having their own way?

One of the first tasks I guide my clients through is developing a deeper understanding of how to use empathy.

I know you want to set firm limits without feeling like you've been railroaded by your kids. Resistance from our children when we are trying to stay calm and supportive can feel like a slap in the face.

Have Kids Who Fight? Here's How to Keep the Peace

Picture this...

The fire is crackling, the rain is steadily tapping at the windows, and I'm folding left-over tissue paper cleaning up the remains of another holiday-palooza.

The children are joyfully singing and tattooing each other with facepaint and glitter.
 

There is no stress, no battling, no blaming or feeling like the kids run the house. Even the dog is quiet.
 

Isn't this what we all want? 

The simplicity of peace and enjoying the time together. I was full and content. My whole face was lit up, and I could feel my heart swell with gratitude.
 

Why can't it always be like this?

Why Time-Out Is A Good Idea

"Mom! Stop, listen!"

"I am listening."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about. You're so annoying!"

Suddenly, the wind had changed, warning sirens were ringing through the air, and an unpredictable twister was headed straight in our direction, determined to steal our sunny morning.

Why Nagging Never Works and What Really Creates Responsible Behavior

"Daddy doesn't NEED me to get my shoes on. He WANTS me to get my shoes on!" my nine-year-old cried from behind the bathroom door.

Oh, how right she was! 

The One Consequence That Matters Most to Your Child

When we become frustrated, anxious or stressed, we can quickly lose control of our words and actions. Insults fly, blame bursts forth, and anger takes the wheel - driving the disconnection that weakens our relational bonds.

When we are flooded with emotion, we need less judgment from others about our behavior and more comfort and compassion in understanding what is happening to us. 

Sometimes, parents unconsciously withdraw affection or attention in an attempt to remain firm and enforce boundaries. 

However, children need us to be their guiding light, not their "consequence."

Kids Don't Listen? Change the Way You Speak

"How do I get my kids to listen" and "Will you give me the concrete tools I need to make it happen?"

Definitely, the top questions that parents want to know.

"What do I do to get her to pick up her clothes, finish her lunch, turn off the iPad, etc.?"

I ask myself these questions all the time.

Parenting With Presence, A Conversation w/ Susan Stiffelman

What does parenting with presence mean to you?

For me, it means being mindfully aware and alert to my internal state and my outer experience. 

It means not checking out or shutting down when I become frustrated by my daughter's discontent, but to take steps to contain my emotional upset.

What's Unconditional Love Got To Do With It?

I posted this photo on Facebook recently, and someone responded with, "I do not have any awesome traits."

That one hit me.

How Do I Stop Reacting? (Handling Your Anger in Front of Your Kids)

After asking, "How do I stop the negative behavior?" most parents ask, "How do I stop reacting?"

Once you understand and expect that children will cry, whine, resist, and push and you realize it isn't your job to fix anything - the next logical question is "Well, then how do I stop getting so angry?"

It is the peeling of an onion. 

I don't know that we can stop getting angry as much as we can shift to a state of responsibly managing our anger and initiating repair when our fury affects our children.

Parenting Under Stress: Advice & Support

All children test boundaries, right?

However, holding those boundaries without getting angry and being able to set limits compassionately takes an incredible amount of self-awareness and emotional maturity. 

Do you feel like you need to brush up on your self-regulation skills?

Children need us to be attentive and available to help them regain their emotional balance. 

In the early years, a child's emotional balance can be thrown off needing to be reset as often as every FIVE minutes.

Intense? Draining?

Just a weeeee bit.

Why Kids Talk Back and What To Do About It

Do your kids talk back? Do you have a tween or teen who has become increasingly sassy or smart-mouthed?

Back Talk
Disrespect
Moodiness

How do we teach lessons without shame or blame and still allow our kids to embrace the intensity of their emotions? 

It is a delicate balance of setting firm boundaries to establish a sense of safety and respect and accepting and allowing for the natural push-back against those boundaries.

Teaching Kids Healthy Money Habits

Creating healthy habits around money is something I have as a top priority goal for myself and my child.

However, with my history, I was not aware of just how deeply hidden my beliefs around money were.

I recently joined Kate Northrup's #MoneyLoveChallenge because I wanted to step-up my self-awareness around my financial future. 

The Surprising Benefits of Tantrums (Building Emotional Intelligence)

Parents want to know: How do I stop the tantrums and end the meltdowns? 

If you've ever heard yourself saying things like:

Stop crying!
There is no reason to get upset.
It's not that big of a deal!
Oh, you're fine!
 
- then you've probably been overwhelmed by the intensity of your child's emotions.

As hard as they can be to tolerate, those meltdowns are a critical part of our survival, and they are building blocks to better behavior.

Why We Struggle to Set Boundaries

I love learning how our childhoods have shaped the way we view the world. Understanding my past has brought into clear view why I behave the way I do in certain situations and what I need to work on to be a compassionate leader for my child. 

If you struggle to set boundaries with your kids or have trouble disciplining without getting angry or using force, you can start to turn things around by simply understanding your personal history and digging in to uncover any unresolved childhood wounds.

The Key to Better Behavior (How to Build Connection!)

Kids get upset for all kinds of reasons, and rather than rationally and calmly discussing what's wrong or making new decisions, they often act out.

Sure, it's normal. Children are immature and unable to shift gears with the flexibility and emotional grace of adults, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle.

It can be exhausting and frustrating, leading us to angry outbursts and resistance from our kids. If you feel like you're in a downward spiral of negativity, connection is the key to better behavior. 

How to Build Self-Esteem in Kids

Each morning, I wake up with the intention to start my day with some kind of mindfulness practice. Whether it is meditation or some gentle stretches, I have learned the importance of not denying myself this time to quiet my mind and body.

Without fail, if I ignore my self-care, my conscious responses are diminished, and my reactionary behavior gets kicked into high-gear.

But what makes or breaks a day? What motivates us to begin the day with self-care?