#1 Way to Keep from Losing Your Cool with Your Kids

When your kids are having a hard time, and you're feeling impatient and annoyed, how do you keep from losing your cool?

Whether it's your children stressing you out or the people around you provoking your anger, do you ever find yourself self-righteously unleashing a hoard of buried emotions on others?

What is it about what other people think, say, or do that makes us so mad? Why can't we keep our emotions in check when someone says something hurtful or critical?

I'm no stranger to criticism. 

What to Do When You Get Triggered

Do you have any of these habits...
Getting testy with slow or cranky cashiers? Complaining or criticizing things or people? Blaming others for making you feel a certain way? Getting aggravated with the person who cut you off in traffic?  

The ability to cope with and respond to our environment with grace and ease is not about knowing the "right" answer, or the "perfect" thing to say.    Taking control of our emotional reactions isn't about having "better-behaved" kids or a "more understanding" partner.

Parent According to Your State

Guest Post by Christopher White, MD Founder of Essential Parenting and co-author of Mindful Discipline. 

One common mistake I see parents make — myself included — is to try and discipline/teach their child the same regardless of their level of reactivity.

It is more effective to adjust your intervention based on your state of mind in the moment.

How to Communicate With Angry or Aggressive Kids

How do you know when your child's emotional needs are languishing?

My daughter can be quick to anger, and her level of reactivity is often my first clue to her current emotional state. Angry kids have unmet needs - and whether those needs are due to a loss of connection, a lack of skill, or a stressed state, they need more from us than just criticism and control.

Can You Stay Calm When Your Child Isn't?

Are you comfortable sitting with discomfort? 

People talk about "holding space" for our kids which really means - can we stay present and emotionally available for them when they have big emotions?

We want to be able to manage our emotions without reacting to what we see.

When I was growing up, my family often expressed anger as a typical response to the smallest of problems, and without a better model, a pattern of reactivity became deeply embedded in my nervous system.

Why Your Words Matter

"Stupid, stupid… you’re such a dummy!" my father muttered to himself, over and over, as he paced the house. 

As a child, hearing my dad call himself names was unsettling. Now, as an adult with a child of my own, listening to him berate himself over a lost set of keys was eye-opening.

What Rules Your Behavior (& How to Take Back Your Power)

Are you in the driver's seat of your emotions? Who is in your head directing your behaviors and reactions?
 
Most of us operate on auto-pilot, unaware of how our history is influencing the script.

How To Stop Yelling

Are you a yeller? I know this one all too well.

Just ask my kid how I could be a better mom, and she will likely tell you, "She shouldn't yell so much." 

Ohhh, how I try!

Making Sense of Behavior Through Connection

Have you ever felt the kind of stress where your mind shuts down and you lose all words?

Or have you ever felt so agitated that you became irrationally hostile or argumentative?


Have you ever been so discouraged that you just wanted everyone to leave you alone?

If you're breathing, then the answer is likely yes. So why do we give kids such a hard time when it happens to them? 

It took me a long time to learn to work my way through my emotions. Not around or away from - but through.  

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Child's Stress

"But Lori, she looked me right in the eye and did it ANYWAY!"

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from parents trying to understand their child's behavior. 

Have you ever felt like your child deliberately chose to misbehave or disobey you for NO reason? It can be maddening to experience behavior that seems deliberate or comes out of nowhere. 

One minute, you're having a great day and the next, your child is a blubbering mess on the floor or raging uncontrollably... and you're wondering what just happened.

Sometimes, kid-stress does not appear to have any obvious, outward signs.

What To Do When Your Child Won't Stop Hitting the Cat (or other family pet)!

Pleeeeeease STOP hurting the cat!
Don't squeeze the dog!

Yes! I've been there - the HITTING stage.

Her friends, me, the dog - my daughter has hit, squeezed, and scratched them all.  

I put on my detective goggles more than a few times when she was young to determine the cause and the best solution for this - developmentally typical - but uncivilized behavior.

5 Steps to Peaceful Conflict Resolution

"But, Lori - what do I do when....

my child won't listen
my child is aggressive
my child refuses

- my child, my child, my child ..."

Have you ever been in the position of not knowing what to SAY or DO next.  

5 Tips for Helping Your Family Manage Anger

Do you or your kids ever struggle with anger?  

Most of us have dealt with troubling emotions at some point in our lives. Anger is a normal emotion, and it isn't always a bad thing.