After asking, "How do I stop the negative behavior?" most parents ask, "How do I stop reacting?"
Once you understand and expect that children will cry, whine, resist, and push and you realize it isn't your job to fix anything - the next logical question is "Well, then how do I stop getting so angry?"
It is the peeling of an onion.
I don't know that we can stop getting angry as much as we can shift to a state of responsibly managing our anger and initiating repair when our fury affects our children.
My child - like most children - resists any attempt I may make to control her. She will shut down at the first sign of a threatening tone or demanding voice.
Have you used your tone of voice to try and change your child's behavior or to try and control what's happening?
It can even happen without our awareness.
I often share tips about how to re-frame the way you talk to your kids but what about the way you talk about your kids and the challenges you are having?
Do you post questions in your favorite forums or conscious parenting pages?
How do you describe the conflicts you experience?
He's so needy.
She won't listen.
She's so sensitive.
He's driving me nuts.
She is such a handful.
He'll defy you out of spite.
She is so disrespectful to me.
He tantrums if he doesn't get his way.
These statements lead us down a dead-end road.
When someone asks me: "What's your self-care routine?" I have to refrain from answering, "Um... chocolate?"
At least that is my answer each time I fall off the self-care wagon. You see, I have a deep and insatiable love for all things chocolate. It can shift my mood - in a pinch.
Are you a yeller? I know this one all too well.
Just ask my kid how I could be a better mom, and she will likely tell you, "She shouldn't yell so much."
Ohhh, how I try!
