Raising Siblings Who Get Along

Guest Post by Rebecca Eanes, Founder of  positive-parents.org and author of Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide.

I am an only child. Sibling rivalry was something I heard about and watched on television, not something I experienced in real life. I had fanciful ideas of living in harmony with a built-in forever friend, a bestie for life. Due in part to my limited experience with sibling relationships and also in part to my idealistic nature, I imagined my children would walk hand-in-hand through life, giggling together all along the way. 

Why Kids Tattle and What To Do About It

She took my headband!
He touched my Legos!
She's using my iPod!
He won't stop bothering us!
She won't stop hitting us!
They spit on us! Eww!

Those are just a few of the "tattletales" I've heard from my daughter over the years. 

Common responses may sound like - 

Give it back!
Put down those Legos!
Leave it alone!
Stop harassing your sister!
That's not nice! 

But, what do kids learn when we respond with directives, demands, and judgment? 

Sibling Rivalry? Strategies for Helping Your Kids Get Along

Do your kids get along? 

Some sibling fighting is normal and even healthy. Kids have different personalities, tastes, perceptions, likes, and dislikes and individuality must be allowed if we want authentic connections to form. 

However, we tend to base our value or competence as a parent on how well our kids get along or how much conflict we experience in the family. 

When our kids fight - we feel stressed and blame ourselves.

When Your Toddler Wants to Give Back the New Baby

So tell me, has this ever happened to you?

You bring home the new baby and your older child reacts by demanding that you immediately return the tiny, wailing human to the hospital (or trade "it" in for a puppy), and no amount of consoling, controlling, punishing or gentle reminding can contain his mounting frustration and loose limbs?

How Do I Get My Kids to Be Kind to One Another?

Have you ever felt as though your kids have no respect for each other? Or, maybe their language and interactions could use an infusion of kindness?

Sometimes, it's easy to look at sibling or peer conflicts and determine what's wrong, judge it, and then, declare for our children what's fair and right (aka - what should happen next).

But, have you ever looked for the source of your unease with their conflicts on the inside instead of on the outside?