What's Unconditional Love Got To Do With It?

I posted this photo on Facebook recently, and someone responded with, "I do not have any awesome traits."

That one hit me.

Struggling with Self-Care? What You Need to Do First

Guest Post by Christopher White, MD Founder of Essential Parenting and co-author of Mindful Discipline.  - See more at: http://mamablog.teach-through-love.com/2014/06/parent-according-to-your-state.html#sthash.sBqUoxF5.dpuf

Guest Post by Jessica Felix, Parent Coach. Follow her Facebook page Early Endeavors.

Guest Post by Christopher White, MD Founder of Essential Parenting and co-author of Mindful Discipline.  - See more at: http://mamablog.teach-through-love.com/2014/06/parent-according-to-your-state.html#sthash.sBqUo

All images via Dreamstime.com

Maybe you’ve heard the term “self-care” over and over again as you’ve sought parenting, wellness or life balance advice.

You try to fit it in – feeling more guilt for missing it than for feeding your kids fast food or sugary cereal!

Self-care seems to be this elusive ideal.

Like if you really had it together as a parent, you’d be able to weave self-care smoothly into your daily routine and, everything would be easier and more satisfying.

The problem is that when we focus on self-care first we are putting on blinders to the real need that we have as parents.
It isn’t enough for us to strive for self-care and wellness.

I know – you don’t need one more thing to do!

But hear me out. This one tip will make that elusive balance issue practically obsolete. We need to focus on our own acceptance of -

Reactions vs. Responses

How do you respond to conflict?

Do you wince in irritation when your child starts whining?
Do you turn threatening, scary, or react with impatience when your kids start fighting?

Maybe you take a very left-brained, logical, and practical approach when emotions run high?

You may have noticed any one of these reactions often leads to a communication fail.

It can be frustrating.We think we are responding, but we're really stuck in reactive mode or only able to focus on problem solving, advising, or fixing.

Addressing negative behavior requires you to remain emotional - not logical. You have to connect first and move from being reactionary and defensive to being responsive and receptive.

This is a leadership skill which takes an enormous amount of self-care to develop. You'll need to have patience, awareness, and a ton of self-respect before you can find the compassion you need to lead without force. 

Here are some tips and ideas to remind you what you can say to remain emotionally responsive and available to help your children build skills.

How to Reduce Stress By Grounding Yourself

When empathy is missing from our primary relationships, we wire up patterns of fear, inadequacy and self-protection. Conflict becomes ruled by our primitive brain because “to control others”  feels safer than “to be vulnerable.”