When empathy is missing from our primary relationships, we wire up patterns of fear, inadequacy and self-protection. Conflict becomes ruled by our primitive brain because “to control others” feels safer than “to be vulnerable.” Many of us, lacking in tolerance, find it difficult to empathize with our children during times of struggle. So thoroughly ingrained is our reflex to fight or flight, that we rely on emotionally shutting down as the easiest and fastest manner in which to cope with any perceived threat.
We avoid our children’s distress and deny them our love and attention as a way of feeling heard. This pattern of personal interactions, devoid of understanding, further divides us and destroys the connection our kids so urgently need.
Stuck in cycles of feeling guilty, disrespected or taken for granted, it is easier to shut down and flee than it is to show love to someone who is clearly not in a position to return our affection.
A blueprint of interactions constructed from the threads of blame, shame, judgment and guilt now threaten the fabric of our most important relationships.
SO - the task at hand is to give YOURSELF the love, understanding and respect that you didn't experience - the attention and validation that no one was able to provide when you were 3, 7 or 15.
Recognize and celebrate your own emotions. Choose to fully love, accept and forgive to free the child inside.
In this week's TEACHable Moment, my friend and colleague, Elizabeth Walther shares how stress interrupts our relationships and a grounding exercise to get you back on track when your stress has taken over!
The miracle occurs when we take that step, to risk our hearts enough to let go of the past, and laugh, play, make a joke, or sing a song to relieve the tension of stored pain and show our children that we are not afraid, that we are present and capable of helping them shift to a new state of being.
And, one day your child will be able to pay it forward by showing empathy and compassion to someone else in need of being heard.
How are you going to treat yourself to the gift of kindness today? Leave a comment below and share your ideas.
Thank you for reading.
Talk soon,
Lori
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intimate, INFLUENTIAL relationships with your kids.
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