We went through a brief phase of non-stop Barney videos when my daughter was three-and-a-half, and we were driving back home to Los Angeles.
"Sharing is caring!" played on a loop for the entire cross-country trip.
According to the imaginary purple dinosaur, "Sharing is the true measure of friendship."
However, what happens when your kids don't want to share?
Does your child have trouble at the dinner table? Does your toddler throw food?
My child happens to learn best through touch. She can make a BIG mess, and she happens to enjoy the sensations which come along with it (if she even notices).
Some kids hate the sensation of sticky, wet fingers. My kid LOVES it, and for her, playing with food was a pleasurable sensory experience.
Standing at the dinner table (rather than sitting) was something she was allowed to do until she was school-aged.
I could have judged her in any number of ways:
PLAY is exactly what is missing from our adult-centered days.
Kids thrive on play.
Play is their daily work.
It's how they learn.
It's the way they communicate.
But it's so easy to forget the importance (and hidden gems) of this life-affirming activity.
Toddler problems?
I remember a very stressful time when my daughter was young, and we were planning a cross-country move.
Not only was it stressful for her dad and me, but she was experiencing the same intense and uncomfortable emotions we were feeling, except she had fewer resources to manage her discomfort.
It was not a fun time.
I couldn't leave her alone with her friends because she was aggressive and reactive, and hurting other kids.
Can you say not-a-proud-mama-moment!
[Update: I wrote this when my daughter was 3. She's 12 now (2018), and she is still kind, compassionate, and even more emotionally intelligent, responsible, hardworking, and self-regulated (her teacher's words - not mine). She's experienced many consequences in her life, but she's never been punished. I say all this not to brag about my kid, but because our kids don't need punishment to understand right from wrong. They don't need to feel punitive adult-imposed pain to learn. In fact, they learn better when we stick with limits and natural consequences.
Being a conscious parent can be frustrating. Using empathy instead of punishment isn't a magical fix, and there is no simple path to growth.
We must remain present in the moment while also staying thoughtful, compassionate, and creative to get everyone through the moment.
If kids model what they see and hear, then isn't sending them to school akin to submitting them to a virtual brainwashing academy by admission?
I mean, monkey-see monkey-do does not just refer to the wonderfully funny and developmentally appropriate activities of our children.
It means bad manners, slang you’re too old to understand, and the motherload of all swear words.
