How Not to Raise an Asshole (and other parenting thoughts)

 
Over the years, I have tolerated a lot of snide comments about how I am ruining my child (and the world) by choosing to forgo punishments and rewards in favor of something less controlling.

I have also seen and heard a lot of banter on the internet begging instructing parents on "how not to raise an asshole."

It appears there's a lot of sanctimonious judgment of children (and parents) floating around in cyberspace these days. 

So, I thought I'd jot down a couple of quick tips that I've come to rely on in my own parenting journey.  

What's Unconditional Love Got To Do With It?

I posted this photo on Facebook recently, and someone responded with, "I do not have any awesome traits."

That one hit me.

4 Easy Ways to Communicate With Kids Without Even Thinking About It

Kids don't always think before they express because they're immature and often driven by emotions which are fueled by their needs. 

Embracing our emotions to bring us to a new understanding of ourselves is the first step on the path to maturity.

As adults, have we fallen too far to the side of thinking logically about things? Have we forgotten about our internal guide >> our feelings?

How to Respond When Your Kids Are Whining

I doooooooon't waaaaaant toooooo.
I waaaant another cookieeeeeee.
Whyyyyyy can't I? Pleeeeeaase?

Whining. 

It's one of those parental triggers which can seem impossibly difficult to deal with because of how quickly it activates our stress response. 

Whining can get your adrenaline pumping, and suddenly your innate ability to cope dwindles with every shrieky demand and objection to your limits and attempts to empathize.
 
Add a bit of logic, debate, legitimizing, or trying to rationalize away the hysterics, and you'll drive yourself directly to the Summer Whine Fest. So what do you do?

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Child With Aspergers

This topic is one that is close to my heart. If you are new to my work, you may not know that when I was 38, I discovered that my quirks, gifts, and more than a few of my struggles were the result of growing up with Aspergers.

I know that you want to help your kids make better decisions. My parents did too, but something was missing.

Lost in translation, you could say.

3 Steps to Understanding Your Child's Behavior (Getting Back to Basics - Part III)

Some kids will look at a controlling parent and bury them in frustration (Sorry, Mom).

I know you want to help your kids grow out of childish behaviors and mature into adults who can cope without losing it, display empathy for others, and make thoughtful decisions.

I want to conclude our Getting Back to Basics series with the #1 conscious parenting principle.

How Do I Get My Kids to Listen?

"I just want my kids to listen!"

Resonate with that? Wanting your kids to listen often comes from the need to feel heard, respected or considered.

I'm sure you've found (or soon will) that obedience and insisting kids "just listen" leads you to focus on getting what you want at the expense of the teachable moment.
 
 Eventually, your "discipline" stops working. 

Why Supernanny is DEAD WRONG!

 

(Read Part 2 of this post here)   

I've really had it with Supernanny.

That's how *this parent* feels. You know when you've really had it with your kids. That's how I feel about this woman who has made a brand out of bad advice that just got disturbingly worse. 

Supernanny was on Good Morning America recently in a segment called, "Taming Toddler Tantrums." With the wealth of information and speakers available to speak on child-rearing and current best practices, I expected more from GMA.

Click here to TWEET GMA and tell them we need to TEACH through Love!

When Your Toddler Wants to Give Back the New Baby

So tell me, has this ever happened to you?

You bring home the new baby and your older child reacts by demanding that you immediately return the tiny, wailing human to the hospital (or trade "it" in for a puppy), and no amount of consoling, controlling, punishing or gentle reminding can contain his mounting frustration and loose limbs?

35 Days of Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving Week in the US and even as the non-stop ads for Black Friday roll across my screen - reminding me that I should prepare to start shopping on Thanksgiving... I am reminding myself to return to gratitude to balance myself during this frenzied time of year.


Plus, I'm not a shopper. Shopping stresses me out. 

I find it tedious, and I'm anxious until the shopping mission is complete. Besides, I am certainly not leaving a holiday meal and a nice glass of Malbec for 50% of an HDTV. (Don't tell anyone but the [one] box TV I own and my laptop really do satisfy all my entertainment needs.) 

I'm not immune to nice things, though.  I like to have good and give good and receive good just as much as the next person, but even more than giving or getting - it is the feeling of gratitude that fills me with a sense of joy and contentedness.

4 Ways You Can Help Your Child Cope With Tragedy

Well, it happened again.  

Another school shooting. Another deadly day in an otherwise quiet town.

Ironically, I had this #TEACHableMoments episode shot and scheduled for next week. I didn't realize how timely it would become.

The insta-response from the media seems to be to fill up their interview slots with as many political gun debates as they can squeeze in. 

Inviting "experts" to nullify each other's facts, as the pundits declare dead heroes and scrutinize the suspects.

5 Ways To Effectively Praise Your Child

  Good job! Excellent swinging! What a nice boy you are! You're such a good girl!

What's that old adage? "Flattery will get you everywhere." Or is it anywhere...or nowhere?

 "Flattery is like friendship in show, but not in fruit." - Socrates (TWEET IT!)

How Kids Heal Through Play

PLAY is exactly what is missing from our adult-centered days.
 
Kids thrive on play.
Play is their daily work.
It's how they learn.
It's the way they communicate.

But it's so easy to forget the importance (and hidden gems) of this life-affirming activity. 

The Art of No Complaining

Ever have one of those days where everything in your world just seems off? 

No matter what you do you can't get your kids to acquiesce to even the smallest of requests. 

You find yourself turning into a raging lunatic and 8 o'clock can't get here soon enough?

Hopefully, you have been following my TEACHable Moments and those days are becoming few and far between, but if and when you experience that kind of discordance, you don't have to battle your way to bedtime.

An attitude of gratitude sometimes starts with a little less bitchin'.