What's Unconditional Love Got To Do With It?

I posted this photo on Facebook recently, and someone responded with, "I do not have any awesome traits."

That one hit me.

Why Your Words Matter

"Stupid, stupid… you’re such a dummy!" my father muttered to himself, over and over, as he paced the house. 

As a child, hearing my dad call himself names was unsettling. Now, as an adult with a child of my own, listening to him berate himself over a lost set of keys was eye-opening.

What Rules Your Behavior (& How to Take Back Your Power)

Are you in the driver's seat of your emotions? Who is in your head directing your behaviors and reactions?
 
Most of us operate on auto-pilot, unaware of how our history is influencing the script.

35 Days of Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving Week in the US and even as the non-stop ads for Black Friday roll across my screen - reminding me that I should prepare to start shopping on Thanksgiving... I am reminding myself to return to gratitude to balance myself during this frenzied time of year.


Plus, I'm not a shopper. Shopping stresses me out. 

I find it tedious, and I'm anxious until the shopping mission is complete. Besides, I am certainly not leaving a holiday meal and a nice glass of Malbec for 50% of an HDTV. (Don't tell anyone but the [one] box TV I own and my laptop really do satisfy all my entertainment needs.) 

I'm not immune to nice things, though.  I like to have good and give good and receive good just as much as the next person, but even more than giving or getting - it is the feeling of gratitude that fills me with a sense of joy and contentedness.

5 Ways You Can Let Natural Consequences Teach

Do mornings at your house ever sound something like this?

Get dressed!
You're going to be late.
I need you to get your shoes on!
Why haven't you brushed your teeth yet?
Why are you messing around?
You have to finish your breakfast.
It's time to leave.
Here, here are some socks.
Put them on.
Don't you know where your backpack is?
I'll grab your lunch.
Now you're going to be late.

How to Connect With Your Child by Connecting With Yourself

 "Take care of you."  - "Kit DeLuca," Pretty Woman

Those four words - take care of you - echoed from my VCR every Saturday morning during my sophomore year at college. Pretty Woman was our weekend recovery ritual, but back then I had no idea how important those words really were.

At the time, self-care meant McDonald's milkshakes and chick-flick weekend marathons on the couch with my roomies.

I don't think I appreciated how crucial self-care was to my overall physical and emotional health until just a few years ago when I had no choice but to look at the big picture.

Not just look to see - was I maintaining?

But - was I thriving?

It is impossible to nurture respect and empathy in your child if you are running on nothing but cortisol and adrenaline.

This, I know.

How can you stay calm and compassionate and create an emotional climate that supports your child's growth when you're not skilled at caring for your own needs? 

You can't access compassion for your kid until you regularly practice it with yourself.

In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing five simple steps to help you access some much-needed empathy for yourself which will allow you to connect with your child from a place of unconditional love and respect. 


"Empathy is the most radical of human emotions" @GloriaSteinem. (TWEET IT!) 

It takes courage and vulnerability to reach out to your children in those moments where their behavior seems out-of-control, uncalled for or downright rude.

When you notice yourself reacting, step back and observe the situation from a new point of view. 
Instead of exploding in anger or letting resentment build, choose to disconnect from your emotional storm by practicing these 5 steps to accessing compassion for yourself:
1. Reflect - what happened?
2. Reveal - how did it make me feel?
3. Allow - where did I feel it in my body?
4. Identify - what am I needing?
5. Create - what can I do in this moment to create a new vision?    How will you manage to find a bit of compassion for yourself when things get heated? Are you able to keep your cool and really LOVE yourself? 
Let me know by leaving a comment down below and adding your thoughts to the discussion! 

Thank you for reading and please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Talk soon,
Lori 

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How to Reduce Stress By Grounding Yourself

When empathy is missing from our primary relationships, we wire up patterns of fear, inadequacy and self-protection. Conflict becomes ruled by our primitive brain because “to control others”  feels safer than “to be vulnerable.” 

Transforming Judgment

Do you feel like you try to be empathetic and yet your child's behavior doesn't change?

Are you in the habit of describing the conflict with your child by using words such as, defiant, disrespectful, rude, cranky, instigator, trouble-maker, or manipulative?

Breaking Tradition: When Others Disapprove of Your Parenting

Do you ever face criticism, judgment or downright disapproval of your parenting choices from family members or peers?


Do you ever feel the pressure to conform - or maybe even give in to punitive ways just to avoid an argument or the glaring eyes of others?

Strengthen Your Relationship to Change Behavior

Are you stuck in a negative cycle with your kid and no matter what kind of discipline you use - punitive or non-punitive - it seems nothing changes?

Sometimes in our rush to stamp out unacceptable behavior, we unknowingly stamp out our children's ability to see themselves as worthy of change.