Picture this...
The fire is crackling, the rain is steadily tapping at the windows, and I'm folding left-over tissue paper cleaning up the remains of another holiday-palooza.
The fire is crackling, the rain is steadily tapping at the windows, and I'm folding left-over tissue paper cleaning up the remains of another holiday-palooza.
The children are joyfully singing and tattooing each other with facepaint and glitter.
There is no stress, no battling, no blaming or feeling like the kids run the house. Even the dog is quiet.
Isn't this what we all want?
The simplicity of peace and enjoying the time together. I was full and content. My whole face was lit up, and I could feel my heart swell with gratitude.
Why can't it always be like this?
I am convinced - more than ever - that the only thing that interrupts our state of peace is the story we hold onto about how it is supposed to go.
I know that because not five minutes later the arguing made its way over and pierced the veil of my Norman Rockwell moment.
"I was right! I was right! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Moooom, she's bragging!!"
"I am NOT!"
Where did my peace just go? I've finally - really - figured it out.
After learning from thousands of other parents (and my own child), I've been able to pinpoint exactly what determines whether we experience chaos or peaceful cooperation in our homes.
It's probably not what you think.
My peace was not gone.
I didn’t need to react or do something to make sure the kids were being respectful, polite, humble or kind. I didn't need to redirect their behavior or lose my composure. I didn't need to meddle or make someone the victim.
I only needed to honor the communication.
If all behavior is communication, what was this behavior saying?
She's the little one.
Youngest in age.
Smallest in size.
Always last.
She's the little one.
Youngest in age.
Smallest in size.
Always last.
She always makes a "big entrance."
Why?
"Sounds like she's excited to get something right," I matter-of-factly called from the kitchen.
"Yeah, I’m never right!" the little one declared. "I got this right for once."
And, there it was - the need to be recognized and worthy was validated. No more bragging. No peace interrupted.
I could have gone on and on (and on and on) about a lesson in humility or I could have entangled my own self-worth and adult perspective about what is right, fair, and just.
I could have labeled the behavior "no big deal" or withdrawn my assistance and told them to deal with it on their own.
So many of those choices would have led me down a path of chaos, defensiveness, and righteous indignation.
Instead, I chose to listen, reflect, and guide.
This is part of the secret to peace in your home. When you join me for this free 10-day online course, I'll share the rest of what I've learned about how to maximize cooperation in your home.
We'll talk about what you can do instead of:
- resorting to arguments and power struggles
- using the mean mom/dad voice
- making your kids feel pain as a consequence of their actions.
What do you think? Do you feel like you meddle in kid conflict too much? How do you keep the peace? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Thanks so much for reading! Have a beautiful week.
Talk soon,
Lori
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