The One Consequence That Matters Most to Your Child

When we become frustrated, anxious or stressed, we can quickly lose control of our words and actions. Insults fly, blame bursts forth, and anger takes the wheel - driving the disconnection that weakens our relational bonds.

When we are flooded with emotion, we need less judgment from others about our behavior and more comfort and compassion in understanding what is happening to us. 

Sometimes, parents unconsciously withdraw affection or attention in an attempt to remain firm and enforce boundaries. 

However, children need us to be their guiding light, not their "consequence."

Helping Kids Heal from Traumatic Events

What helps kids recover from traumatic events? How can we help them move beyond scary experiences? 

"I have a 5-year-old son who has become more and more clingy over the past year. He doesn't like to do anything without me, and when I go away, he becomes really upset. A few weeks ago he got lost on some trails near our house. He was alone for over an hour on the trails, cold, wet, and expecting me to show up any minute. I was the one who found him eventually, and we were both pretty scared. Since then, anytime I go mountain biking, he becomes really upset and angry. Tonight he sat on the front step and wouldn't budge until I came home. He yells all kinds of mean things at his Dad and says he doesn't know how to take care of him. I've tried talking to my son about it, but I don't know if he really even understands why he's feeling what he's feeling, so how can he express it to me?" - B.

This is a great question! Children can easily be traumatized by events that adults perceive as temporary or non-threatening. 

Obviously, this experience of being lost was terrifying for you both, but for your son - it was the last straw.