There I was, feeling bewildered, and standing outside the door my eight-year-old had just slammed shut after demanding her privacy.What just happened?
We were enjoying lunch, I mentioned her dance class starting - and BAM! She turned on a dime. She crossed her arms, glared at me with a squinty gaze, and refused to engage.
Where did I go wrong? Why was she being so disrespectful?
Your children's behaviors may confuse and confound you, too. When there seems to be no rhyme or reason for their actions - when you're faced with defiance - there is one thing you can do to reconnect and teach respect.
Repair.
Repair is the super-glue of relationships. It keeps us feeling connected and safe. It allows us to rest in the care of our loved ones and remain in a state of growth.
Sometimes in our relationships, we experience breakdowns in communication, or we inadvertently hurt one another, and then let it go without making amends.
Kids often internalize our bad moods and critical reactions, even old arguments from a week ago or the harsh tone we used this morning when we asked them to finish breakfast.
Negative behavior can sometimes be traced back to painful, unresolved feelings now erupting as slammed doors and disrespectful attitudes.
In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing 3 ways you can initiate repair because it's the single best strategy you can use to gain your child's respect.
Repair is a life-jacket for kids lost in an emotional storm, (TWEET IT!)Oh, and my eight-year-old?
I invited her to sit with me (she refused for a while), but I patiently waited until she was ready. Then, I showed her I was interested in being with her by suggesting some of her favorite games for us to do (I know she had been feeling like she wasn't a priority in my life, lately).
After some silent signals (hand/foot taps), we agreed on an activity and made a non-verbal agreement to move forward.
As we were getting ready to leave, she buried her head in my chest and wrapped her arms around me, "I love you so much, Mama," she said.
That hug made up for a lifetime of childish disrespect.
When you show humility and concern for another person, you give that person a gift. The gift of feeling cared for.
When kids feel as though we care, they learn to make up for those times when they fail to be considerate, thoughtful or act appropriately.
You don't need to correct or control.
So, what about you? How do you repair fractured relationships, or wounded hearts in your family?
Share your experience and ideas in the comments because you never know when your story might be just the inspiration someone else is looking for.
Thank you so much for reading and watching and please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!
Talk soon,
Lori
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