Social Media and I Are "On-A-Break"

 
Remember "The One Where Rachel and Ross Take a Break?"

Yep, well I'm Ross (let's be real) and Social Media is my Rachel and I've decided we need to take a break.

Now, before you think this is some high-and-mighty ploy to make myself seem like a more conscious parent - or some holier-than-thou challenge to be cooler than the crowd and act "more connected" to my kid or pay more attention to my family.

It's not. 

I'll be honest, YES, when I catch myself staring at my phone rather than my child, I feel a twang [okay, a punch] of guilt and I want to do better than that.

But who I really want to reconnect with RIGHT NOW - is myself.

I realize that I work TOO much. I'm a self-employed, entrepreneur (is that redundant?), whichis probably not the best choice of career paths for someone with a high-degree of natural anxiety - but I can't survive the corporate culture [read: heels and hose] AND be happy - so this is where I am.

And with the 24/7 pressure I place on myself to always be doing and trying MORE - so I can feel some sense of security - you'd think I'd be content.

But, I'm not. I look at my colleagues and compare whether I'm doing it right or whether I'm good enough to stand in the same company as their Ivy League degrees.

I worry whether my clients are satisfied.  Am I being authentic, real, sharing MY perspective?  I look at my stats, my numbers, my sales and wonder if I'm going to make it - will it all turn out okay?

I realize it's hurting my health, my heart and my life - mentally, physically and emotionally.

I'm drained. I work a full day - and then feel guilty if I go to bed, so I start again at 9pm when my kid goes to sleep and put in another 6 hours.

It's not honorable. 

It's not just about passion anymore. I've become a slave. And I don't even know - to what?  

I LOVE my community,
I LOVE spreading information.
ILOVE sharing. 

But I'm in a rut of letting my social media platform run me, rather than me running my social media platform.

I use it to enlighten me, inform me, and connect me - but I also use it to distract me.

I gave up the "boss" calling at all hours, only to have allowed Facebook to creep into my home and interrupt my passion and productivity. 

I crave the information high I get from scrolling but I get stressed thinking about Twitter staring me down like an angry parent wondering why I'm not being more effective in my tweets.

This is draining me, and it's not worth it.

Inspired by this Momastery post (and her own 40-day internet fast) - AND in honor of my 40th birthday (yikes) which is in just 20 days - I'm going to stay off social media until then - October 16th. 

That's 20 days, just shy of 3 weeks. Don't judge me - I'd go longer, but I need to take this slow, Yo!

This is not going to be easy for me.

I am a creature of habit and I tend to get stuck in "routines" - good or bad. But, I am going to use all my super-Aspie-hyper-focus to zoom back in on my real life instead of just the abbreviated version.

It took me forever to decode what "IRL" meant. I don't want that to happen again.For now I'm going to pace my house and try to figure out what the hell I used to do with all my time.  :)


Talk soon,
Lori

What about you? Have you ever taken a break from the internet noise? How did it work out?  

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