Are you comfortable sitting with discomfort? People talk about "holding space" for our kids which really means - can we stay present and emotionally available for them when they have big emotions?
We want to be able to manage our emotions without reacting to what we see.
When I was growing up, my family often expressed anger as a typical response to the smallest of problems, and without a better model, a pattern of reactivity became deeply embedded in my nervous system.
My stress response system adapted to react to any perceived threat quickly and without consideration for others. I remained hyper-vigilant and was often accused of overreacting.
I lived in constant fear of the next punishment. I dreaded the thought of making a mistake or asking for what I wanted because doing so could evoke my parent's anger. I felt like I couldn't do anything right no matter how hard I tried.
As their anger grew, so did my rage - and my defiance.
I had no self-control. As an adult, I had to learn to take care of myself before I could show up emotionally and be there for another person.
I knew that if I wanted my daughter to learn to accept her emotions and process them in healthy ways, and if I wanted her to deal with her frustration and disappointment with grace and compassion for others, I had to make learning to manage my anger a priority.
If you have trouble staying calm when your child isn't, then this TEACHable Moment is for you. Here are 4 tips for maintaining your connection to your thinking brain - not only during times of stress - but every day.
My stress response system adapted to react to any perceived threat quickly and without consideration for others. I remained hyper-vigilant and was often accused of overreacting.
I lived in constant fear of the next punishment. I dreaded the thought of making a mistake or asking for what I wanted because doing so could evoke my parent's anger. I felt like I couldn't do anything right no matter how hard I tried.
As their anger grew, so did my rage - and my defiance.
I had no self-control. As an adult, I had to learn to take care of myself before I could show up emotionally and be there for another person.
I knew that if I wanted my daughter to learn to accept her emotions and process them in healthy ways, and if I wanted her to deal with her frustration and disappointment with grace and compassion for others, I had to make learning to manage my anger a priority.
If you have trouble staying calm when your child isn't, then this TEACHable Moment is for you. Here are 4 tips for maintaining your connection to your thinking brain - not only during times of stress - but every day.
When you let go of judgment, you can let go of the anger. (Tweet it!)Making the choice to be emotionally responsive and mindfully manage our anger before interacting with our children may not be the choice that feels easy or peaceful, but it is what must be done if we want children to mature into kind, caring people who are accountable for their actions.
Here's a challenge! After you watch, choose a Level 1 & Level 2 response (mentioned in the video) that you are going to implement and make part of your daily routine, and then share it in the comments below and let me know your plan for expanding your tolerance and taking charge of your emotional reactivity!
Until next time, thank you so much for watching and sharing! And please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!
Talk soon,
Lori
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