35 Days of Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving Week in the US and even as the non-stop ads for Black Friday roll across my screen - reminding me that I should prepare to start shopping on Thanksgiving... I am reminding myself to return to gratitude to balance myself during this frenzied time of year.


Plus, I'm not a shopper. Shopping stresses me out. 

I find it tedious, and I'm anxious until the shopping mission is complete. Besides, I am certainly not leaving a holiday meal and a nice glass of Malbec for 50% of an HDTV. (Don't tell anyone but the [one] box TV I own and my laptop really do satisfy all my entertainment needs.) 

I'm not immune to nice things, though.  I like to have good and give good and receive good just as much as the next person, but even more than giving or getting - it is the feeling of gratitude that fills me with a sense of joy and contentedness.

What To Do When Kids Won't Share

We went through a brief phase of non-stop Barney videos when my daughter was three-and-a-half, and we were driving back home to Los Angeles.

"Sharing is caring!" played on a loop for the entire cross-country trip.

According to the imaginary purple dinosaur, "Sharing is the true measure of friendship."

However, what happens when your kids don't want to share? 

Setting Limits On Screen Time

Have you ever had a video game addiction or a TV obsession?

In my early twenties, I was living in Hollywood and my new found friends recruited me to Buffy Nite.   

And for the next 5 years, every Tuesday, you could find me engrossed in the weekly sagas of this Joss Wheedon cult-TV-favorite.

Repair and Apologies With Kids Do Not Have To Be Forced

Sometimes, repair takes its own creative path.  

I have refrained (as much as possible) from forcing my child to say "I'm sorry" because I wanted her to rely on her own conscience as she learns how her actions affect others. 

I didn't want my opinions or judgments to impose on her sense of self.  

Repair is the process of reconnecting after hurt feelings, angry words, or unacceptable behaviors.  

How To Stop Yelling

Are you a yeller? I know this one all too well.

Just ask my kid how I could be a better mom, and she will likely tell you, "She shouldn't yell so much." 

Ohhh, how I try!

Words Can Get In The Way - How NOT to Talk to Kids

Do your kids have trouble "listening?" 

Do you feel like no matter what you say or do, you still end up begging, pleading, negotiating, or punishing to get cooperation, and usually, it's not willing cooperation?

Despite my conscious attempts to speak with kindness, acknowledge needs, and validate feelings, sometimes, I still find myself unable to connect with an emotionally resistant child.
 
At this moment, there is a fork in the road.

Making Sense of Behavior Through Connection

Have you ever felt the kind of stress where your mind shuts down and you lose all words?

Or have you ever felt so agitated that you became irrationally hostile or argumentative?


Have you ever been so discouraged that you just wanted everyone to leave you alone?

If you're breathing, then the answer is likely yes. So why do we give kids such a hard time when it happens to them? 

It took me a long time to learn to work my way through my emotions. Not around or away from - but through.  

4 Ways You Can Help Your Child Cope With Tragedy

Well, it happened again.  

Another school shooting. Another deadly day in an otherwise quiet town.

Ironically, I had this #TEACHableMoments episode shot and scheduled for next week. I didn't realize how timely it would become.

The insta-response from the media seems to be to fill up their interview slots with as many political gun debates as they can squeeze in. 

Inviting "experts" to nullify each other's facts, as the pundits declare dead heroes and scrutinize the suspects.

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Child's Stress

"But Lori, she looked me right in the eye and did it ANYWAY!"

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from parents trying to understand their child's behavior. 

Have you ever felt like your child deliberately chose to misbehave or disobey you for NO reason? It can be maddening to experience behavior that seems deliberate or comes out of nowhere. 

One minute, you're having a great day and the next, your child is a blubbering mess on the floor or raging uncontrollably... and you're wondering what just happened.

Sometimes, kid-stress does not appear to have any obvious, outward signs.

5 Ways You Can Let Natural Consequences Teach

Do mornings at your house ever sound something like this?

Get dressed!
You're going to be late.
I need you to get your shoes on!
Why haven't you brushed your teeth yet?
Why are you messing around?
You have to finish your breakfast.
It's time to leave.
Here, here are some socks.
Put them on.
Don't you know where your backpack is?
I'll grab your lunch.
Now you're going to be late.

5 Ways To Effectively Praise Your Child

  Good job! Excellent swinging! What a nice boy you are! You're such a good girl!

What's that old adage? "Flattery will get you everywhere." Or is it anywhere...or nowhere?

 "Flattery is like friendship in show, but not in fruit." - Socrates (TWEET IT!)

Social Media and I Are "On-A-Break"

 
Remember "The One Where Rachel and Ross Take a Break?"

Yep, well I'm Ross (let's be real) and Social Media is my Rachel and I've decided we need to take a break.

Now, before you think this is some high-and-mighty ploy to make myself seem like a more conscious parent - or some holier-than-thou challenge to be cooler than the crowd and act "more connected" to my kid or pay more attention to my family.

It's not. 

How To Teach Kids To Stop Throwing Food

Does your child have trouble at the dinner table? Does your toddler throw food?

My child happens to learn best through touch. She can make a BIG mess, and she happens to enjoy the sensations which come along with it (if she even notices).

Some kids hate the sensation of sticky, wet fingers. My kid LOVES it, and for her, playing with food was a pleasurable sensory experience.

Standing at the dinner table (rather than sitting) was something she was allowed to do until she was school-aged.
 
I could have judged her in any number of ways:

How Kids Heal Through Play

PLAY is exactly what is missing from our adult-centered days.
 
Kids thrive on play.
Play is their daily work.
It's how they learn.
It's the way they communicate.

But it's so easy to forget the importance (and hidden gems) of this life-affirming activity. 

My Teenager is Driving Me Crazy

Does your teen have a habit of saying one thing, and then doing another?

Maybe it includes:

• a few eye rolls
• constant forgetting
• refusing to do what's asked

I recall feeling a bit put-upon during my own teenage years.

If I was insubordinate with those in authority, it usually had something to do with me feeling taken advantage of, having no voice, or being unable to express the emotions that I was grappling with. A cycle of feeling unheard, misunderstood, and judged can increase misbehavior as kids use their non-verbal language to communicate what is really going on. 

Without the tools, words, or practice expressing emotions in positive ways, children can spiral into patterns of negativity.

When children feel controlled or afraid of the reactions of others, dysfunctional patterns of repressing emotion can develop. 

All kids, especially those who may shy away from asserting themselves, need to feel they have a voice - a say in what happens in their lives. 

 Punitive discipline often shuts down that voice in favor of obedience. 

We can't train children to feel or behave in certain ways by imposing consequences and hoping they internalize the desired behaviors.  

Effective discipline is about learning to manage our internal state so that we can confidently and positively release our stress, discomfort, or frustration. From that place of autonomy, we can consciously choose new thoughts and behaviors.

When we try to reason our way through emotional experiences with our children with language and logical consequences, we usually cause more harm than hope. Too much talking gets in the way because the language centers in the brain shut down under stress. Blood pressure rises, the heart pounds steadily, and our perspective is limited. 

When this happens, some children will fight you, and some will shut down, and/or run away.

This is why I am so passionate about giving you tools and communication tips which help you connect with your child. In this TEACHable Moments episode, I share 3 tips for helping the child who has trouble confronting conflict head-on!

So what's it like for you? Do you find words get in the way?
Have you left conflict to fester because you avoid confrontation?

Share your story of overcoming the fear of conflict in the comments below. I would love to hear about it.

And please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect! 

Talk soon,
Lori

Want more? Check out my free Conscious Communication Series - Top 4 Reasons Parents Can't Stop Nagging, Arguing, & Punishing(and how to set limits your kids will respect)! This 4-part series will introduce you to a new blueprint for setting limits and speaking from the heart.

 

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