#1 Way to Keep from Losing Your Cool with Your Kids

When your kids are having a hard time, and you're feeling impatient and annoyed, how do you keep from losing your cool?

Whether it's your children stressing you out or the people around you provoking your anger, do you ever find yourself self-righteously unleashing a hoard of buried emotions on others?

What is it about what other people think, say, or do that makes us so mad? Why can't we keep our emotions in check when someone says something hurtful or critical?

I'm no stranger to criticism. 

5 Proven Ways to Encourage Responsible Behavior in Your Kids

(Is your child under age 5? Click here for essential rules for communicating with young children)

"How can I be sure that I am encouraging responsible behavior in my children and not letting them "get away with things." - Tina, Mom of 3

This is a common and natural fear most parents have at one time or another.  

As kids grow past the preschool years, we typically expect them to display better behavior and more responsible actions.
 
However, what about those kids who don't seem to move past the meltdowns, or can't seem to stop and think before they act?

What's missing?

How is it possible to parent your children the same, and yet, have one who seems emotionally mature and on target, and another who appears to be stuck in juvenile behavior, unable to control his or her impulses?

What to Do When You Get Triggered

Do you have any of these habits...
Getting testy with slow or cranky cashiers? Complaining or criticizing things or people? Blaming others for making you feel a certain way? Getting aggravated with the person who cut you off in traffic?  

The ability to cope with and respond to our environment with grace and ease is not about knowing the "right" answer, or the "perfect" thing to say.    Taking control of our emotional reactions isn't about having "better-behaved" kids or a "more understanding" partner.

Breaking Bad Habits (Getting Back to Basics Part II)

I want to talk about habits in Part II of our Getting Back to Basics series (see Part I here).

In my Conscious Communication Series, we do a lot of language transformation, shifting what we would typically say into something nonjudgmental, compassionate, and proactive.

We start by identifying our habits of reacting. I'm sure you could easily list your child's bad habits, but how about yours?

Let Your Kids Say No! (Teaching Assertive Language Skills)

Do you let your children say No? 

I don't mean do you let them "get away" with things?  I mean, do you allow them to disagree with you without getting angry, judging, shaming, or blaming them? 

Setting Limits On Screen Time

Have you ever had a video game addiction or a TV obsession?

In my early twenties, I was living in Hollywood and my new found friends recruited me to Buffy Nite.   

And for the next 5 years, every Tuesday, you could find me engrossed in the weekly sagas of this Joss Wheedon cult-TV-favorite.

How To Stop Yelling

Are you a yeller? I know this one all too well.

Just ask my kid how I could be a better mom, and she will likely tell you, "She shouldn't yell so much." 

Ohhh, how I try!

5 Tips For Dealing With Your Child's Stress

"But Lori, she looked me right in the eye and did it ANYWAY!"

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from parents trying to understand their child's behavior. 

Have you ever felt like your child deliberately chose to misbehave or disobey you for NO reason? It can be maddening to experience behavior that seems deliberate or comes out of nowhere. 

One minute, you're having a great day and the next, your child is a blubbering mess on the floor or raging uncontrollably... and you're wondering what just happened.

Sometimes, kid-stress does not appear to have any obvious, outward signs.

How to Connect With Your Child by Connecting With Yourself

 "Take care of you."  - "Kit DeLuca," Pretty Woman

Those four words - take care of you - echoed from my VCR every Saturday morning during my sophomore year at college. Pretty Woman was our weekend recovery ritual, but back then I had no idea how important those words really were.

At the time, self-care meant McDonald's milkshakes and chick-flick weekend marathons on the couch with my roomies.

I don't think I appreciated how crucial self-care was to my overall physical and emotional health until just a few years ago when I had no choice but to look at the big picture.

Not just look to see - was I maintaining?

But - was I thriving?

It is impossible to nurture respect and empathy in your child if you are running on nothing but cortisol and adrenaline.

This, I know.

How can you stay calm and compassionate and create an emotional climate that supports your child's growth when you're not skilled at caring for your own needs? 

You can't access compassion for your kid until you regularly practice it with yourself.

In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing five simple steps to help you access some much-needed empathy for yourself which will allow you to connect with your child from a place of unconditional love and respect. 


"Empathy is the most radical of human emotions" @GloriaSteinem. (TWEET IT!) 

It takes courage and vulnerability to reach out to your children in those moments where their behavior seems out-of-control, uncalled for or downright rude.

When you notice yourself reacting, step back and observe the situation from a new point of view. 
Instead of exploding in anger or letting resentment build, choose to disconnect from your emotional storm by practicing these 5 steps to accessing compassion for yourself:
1. Reflect - what happened?
2. Reveal - how did it make me feel?
3. Allow - where did I feel it in my body?
4. Identify - what am I needing?
5. Create - what can I do in this moment to create a new vision?    How will you manage to find a bit of compassion for yourself when things get heated? Are you able to keep your cool and really LOVE yourself? 
Let me know by leaving a comment down below and adding your thoughts to the discussion! 

Thank you for reading and please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Talk soon,
Lori 

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