Words Can Get In The Way - How NOT to Talk to Kids

Do your kids have trouble "listening?" 

Do you feel like no matter what you say or do, you still end up begging, pleading, negotiating, or punishing to get cooperation, and usually, it's not willing cooperation?

Despite my conscious attempts to speak with kindness, acknowledge needs, and validate feelings, sometimes, I still find myself unable to connect with an emotionally resistant child.

At this moment, there is a fork in the road.

I am faced with two choices - go control freak - or go zen mama.

The most effective way I know to get conscious (and go zen)  is to stop thinking and be silent. (Did you know that when you rearrange the letters in silent, they spell -- L-I-S-T-E-N.)

Yep. Sometimes the best communication is non-verbal. 

And then, the question of what to say becomes -  

How do I feel my way through this moment?
How can I tolerate these sensations arising in me?

How can I help my child?

With practice and patience, you will be able to stay open and receptive as you wait for the storm of emotions to pass. You'll recognize more and more that you can be "okay" with your child "not being okay."

On the other hand, there are times when you need to say more. 


Have you ever felt unsure of how to speak your mind without the subtle shades of blame, shame, judgment, and guilt undermining your influence?

This is where you're thinking, "I get it - but what do I say in those moments?"

There are no hard and fast rules for every scenario. Each situation with your child will be unique and require you to be patient, mindful, and curious.

There is a sense of empowerment that comes when we self-regulate, and kids feel it. They respond better to us being empowered (mindful, alert, and calm) than they do when we use our power to direct their actions and emotions (things over which we have no real control, anyway).

Want more tips that will show you how to create better behavior in your home? Check out Facebook for the #ConsciousCommunication card collection and this free series to learn how to gain more cooperation from your kids.

Talk soon,

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