What To Do When Kids Are Rude

Have you ever said the wrong thing? Put your foot in your mouth - unintentionally? 

For me, having Aspergers means I feel safe with scripts. I like to know what I am going to say - ahead of time - to avoid any gaffes.  Growing up, social blunders seemed to be my rule rather than my exception.

5 Ways to Increase Cooperation When Kids Won't Do Their Chores

How do you feel about chores?

Cooking dinner.
Doing the laundry.
Cleaning the house.

I am not ashamed to admit that I hate the repetition of routine chores and household tasks. 

Despite my contempt, the reality is that things must get done. But how? 

How to Connect With Your Child by Connecting With Yourself

 "Take care of you."  - "Kit DeLuca," Pretty Woman

Those four words - take care of you - echoed from my VCR every Saturday morning during my sophomore year at college. Pretty Woman was our weekend recovery ritual, but back then I had no idea how important those words really were.

At the time, self-care meant McDonald's milkshakes and chick-flick weekend marathons on the couch with my roomies.

I don't think I appreciated how crucial self-care was to my overall physical and emotional health until just a few years ago when I had no choice but to look at the big picture.

Not just look to see - was I maintaining?

But - was I thriving?

It is impossible to nurture respect and empathy in your child if you are running on nothing but cortisol and adrenaline.

This, I know.

How can you stay calm and compassionate and create an emotional climate that supports your child's growth when you're not skilled at caring for your own needs? 

You can't access compassion for your kid until you regularly practice it with yourself.

In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing five simple steps to help you access some much-needed empathy for yourself which will allow you to connect with your child from a place of unconditional love and respect. 


"Empathy is the most radical of human emotions" @GloriaSteinem. (TWEET IT!) 

It takes courage and vulnerability to reach out to your children in those moments where their behavior seems out-of-control, uncalled for or downright rude.

When you notice yourself reacting, step back and observe the situation from a new point of view. 
Instead of exploding in anger or letting resentment build, choose to disconnect from your emotional storm by practicing these 5 steps to accessing compassion for yourself:
1. Reflect - what happened?
2. Reveal - how did it make me feel?
3. Allow - where did I feel it in my body?
4. Identify - what am I needing?
5. Create - what can I do in this moment to create a new vision?    How will you manage to find a bit of compassion for yourself when things get heated? Are you able to keep your cool and really LOVE yourself? 
Let me know by leaving a comment down below and adding your thoughts to the discussion! 

Thank you for reading and please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Talk soon,
Lori 

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How to Talk to Your Kids About Lying

Nope, wasn't me - no way, no how!

Lying. That uncomfortable and trigger-producing behavior which freaks you out is actually a natural step in your child's development track.

When it comes to our children lying, I think we should be aware of it - but not in fear of it.

Brave the Back-to-School Blues

 
Is it back-to-school time for you and your kids? How is everyone feeling about the end of summer changes?

How To Deal With The "Mean Girls"

"Mean Girls" 2004 Image: Fanpop

Has your child run into social troubles (or mean girls) during the transition from early childhood to adolescence?

If I had to pick one movie to describe my teenage years, it would be a cross somewhere between Lucas (1986) and The Craft (1996). 

Always the new girl - likable, but awkward. 

Fitting-in can be a common challenge for girls (and boys). One that has been memorialized in movies such as Tina Fey's, Mean Girls.

This female social game starts around age nine and can heat up during high school.

What To Do When Your Child Won't Stop Hitting the Cat (or other family pet)!

Pleeeeeease STOP hurting the cat!
Don't squeeze the dog!

Yes! I've been there - the HITTING stage.

Her friends, me, the dog - my daughter has hit, squeezed, and scratched them all.  

I put on my detective goggles more than a few times when she was young to determine the cause and the best solution for this - developmentally typical - but uncivilized behavior.

Why Do Kids Blame Others?

She made me do it.

He's bothering me!

Mooom! She did it AGAIN!

Sound familiar? Maybe a little too familiar?
 
If your children are comfortable playing the blame game, then it might feel like you're always micro-managing conflicts but your kids are never able to reach solutions on their own.

If your kids blame you or blame each other, then this episode of TEACHable Moments is for you!

4 Tips for Handling Your Child's Public Meltdowns

Have you ever felt like this after a day with your child?

Maybe after the tenth public meltdown, and a day of dodging judgmental bullets from retailers who are hoping you'll avoid their stores?

You been there? Yeah, me too.

More Than Just Aspergers - Part II

Does your child have communication difficulties or have trouble meeting the expectations of others? 
-  or -  
Does your child have trouble relating to peers or ever been called rude, lacking empathy or too sensitive? 

Growing up as an Aspie usually means
that you've heard all of the above.

How to Reduce Stress By Grounding Yourself

When empathy is missing from our primary relationships, we wire up patterns of fear, inadequacy and self-protection. Conflict becomes ruled by our primitive brain because “to control others”  feels safer than “to be vulnerable.” 

More Than Just Aspergers - Part I

Do you have a child with special needs - gifted, sensory processing, autism or developmentally delayed, OCD, ODD, twice exceptional or maybe your child has ADHD, a history of trauma, sensory processing, or even a learning disability?

By some accounts, 1 in 5 children has some diagnosable mental disorder which can include, anxiety disorders, disruptive behavior disorders, eating disorders, mood
disorders like depression or even schizophrenia.

Those stats don't sound so surprising when you consider a 2005 study that predicted almost HALF of ALL Americans will have a diagnosable mental illness in their lifetimes. 
 
Undeniably, many of us are suffering from a lack of internal peace and kids with special needs, delays or even high intelligence often have more anxiety than the general population.

In my own experience, growing up with lots of challenges but no diagnosis (Aspergers) or support has led me (NOW in my late 30's) to come face-to-face with some of my most embarrassing, frustrating and misunderstood habits as I see them mirrored back to me through my daughter. 


But unlike parents in the 70's, I have a chance at implementing understanding, compassion and REAL TOOLS for change!

In this week's TEACHable Moment, I am bringing you a special interview treat.

If you have a child diagnosed as an Asper-Kid (Aspergers) or even if you don't - you don't want to miss my chat with Jennifer Cook O'Toole, author and Asper-Mom to three kids on the spectrum.



She is going to share her journey and top tips for creating more good habits and minimizing anxiety in our most sensitive kids.

PART II of my interview with Jennifer is coming NEXT WEEK ...stay tuned!


Warmly,

Do you have an extra-sensitive kid? 

What do you do to help him develop his problem-solving or coping skills? Share your story in the comments below!

Shame-Proof Your Relationship

Can you remember a time when someone said to you -- "I'm so disappointed in you" or "What were you thinking?"

How did you feel? Did those words produce the experience of feeling calm, reflective and resourceful? 

Did you pause to consider how your actions affected others or feel compelled to contribute to the change or did you just feel bad about yourself, and  maybe even a little bit embarrassed? 

Transforming Judgment

Do you feel like you try to be empathetic and yet your child's behavior doesn't change?

Are you in the habit of describing the conflict with your child by using words such as, defiant, disrespectful, rude, cranky, instigator, trouble-maker, or manipulative?

5 Steps to Peaceful Conflict Resolution

"But, Lori - what do I do when....

my child won't listen
my child is aggressive
my child refuses

- my child, my child, my child ..."

Have you ever been in the position of not knowing what to SAY or DO next.