Development Takes Time, Repetition & Relief

Developing maturity takes time, repetition and relief.

Time is necessary to allow a child's unique developmental path to unfold.  

Repetition happens when we practice moving through strong impulses and overwhelming emotions.

Relief happens when we feel that we have the support and/or the tools to move through a situation. 

4 Tips for Helping Your Child Fall Asleep

When I ask my clients to list their top 3 challenges, bedtime usually ranks on the list. We talk about sleep troubles in my classes, but I rarely speak about sleep in blog posts.

Reactions vs. Responses

How do you respond to conflict?

Do you wince in irritation when your child starts whining?
Do you turn threatening, scary, or react with impatience when your kids start fighting?

Maybe you take a very left-brained, logical, and practical approach when emotions run high?

You may have noticed any one of these reactions often leads to a communication fail.

It can be frustrating.We think we are responding, but we're really stuck in reactive mode or only able to focus on problem solving, advising, or fixing.

Addressing negative behavior requires you to remain emotional - not logical. You have to connect first and move from being reactionary and defensive to being responsive and receptive.

This is a leadership skill which takes an enormous amount of self-care to develop. You'll need to have patience, awareness, and a ton of self-respect before you can find the compassion you need to lead without force. 

Here are some tips and ideas to remind you what you can say to remain emotionally responsive and available to help your children build skills.

TEACH through Love 2014 Scholarship Winners

I have people write in almost every week and ask me if there scholarship opportunities for my programs. 

I know it took a ton of courage for everyone who submitted to put themselves out there and share so openly and honestly.

I was honored and humbled (and you made me laugh) by the submissions I received for my FIRST EVER scholarship contest to attend my upcoming parenting series - Conscious Communication - registration opens on Feb 24.

Six Ways to Help Kids Who Worry

I used to worry all the time. I was a master at generalized anxiety. 

My daughter also tends to worry. She's often unsatisfied with my answer to her concerns or she thinks deeply about matters which seem to burden her young mind unnecessarily.

When I was a child, I didn't have the skills to deal with my anxiety. I didn't know what to do with the many thoughts and feelings that plagued my overactive mind. (Throughout my adolescent years, I was convinced that I had a terminal disease and spent many hours contemplating my imminent demise.) 

I needed a support system: 
PEOPLE
PERSPECTIVE
- and a PLAN.


Now, I find clarity and peace through simple mindful activities such as meditation or yoga. 

If I need a new perspective, I go for a walk or take a drive with the windows down and my favorite music blaring, or I call a close friend for support.

And sometimes, I veg out in front of the TV until I feel motivated to change watching reruns of my favorite childhood sitcoms with my daughter. 

They're not only fun to watch but also a source of constant parenting inspiration. 

The other day we watched the Brady Bunch episode, "Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy." It's the one where Cindy is the star of the play but can only invite ONE guest to see her perform.

She worried about it for days, and got conflicting advice from everyone until she finally quit the play! It got me thinking about how kids hold in their worries and don't always know what to do. 

In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing six ways you can wipe out worries by creating healthy habits that help kids thrive.


What we say and how we say it can make the difference between a worry that grows into a debilitating fear and a worry that becomes a teachable moment, learning about endurance and how to take control of our thoughts. 

After you watch, I'd love to hear from you. What has been your child's biggest worry and ONE ACTION STEP you can take to help?  Leave me a comment and share your story!

Thanks so much for watching and for sharing!

Talk soon,
Lori

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Helping Kids Who Overreact

What is wrong with you?
What is your problem?
You're being ridiculous!
Calm down!


As a kid, I was no stranger to these kinds of sentiments. Overly sensitive and highly-emotional, outbursts were a knee-jerk reaction with which I was quite familiar.

Why Your Words Matter

"Stupid, stupid… you’re such a dummy!" my father muttered to himself, over and over, as he paced the house. 

As a child, hearing my dad call himself names was unsettling. Now, as an adult with a child of my own, listening to him berate himself over a lost set of keys was eye-opening.

What to Do When You Are No Longer Using Punishment

Have you ever felt at a loss for what to do to make sure your kids learn lessons?

Have you traded in punishment for something more emotionally responsive, but aren't sure your kids are really learning what's important?

Are you wondering exactly what you are supposed to do about misbehavior?

What Rules Your Behavior (& How to Take Back Your Power)

Are you in the driver's seat of your emotions? Who is in your head directing your behaviors and reactions?
 
Most of us operate on auto-pilot, unaware of how our history is influencing the script.

5 Secrets to Building More Influence With Kids

Most of the time our efforts to combat negative behavior get caught up in COMBAT. Tears and exhaustion reign and power rules.

Whose power is ruling, though? It depends on the day.

You might hear a "No" - especially a repeated NO - and assume your child wants to cause trouble or get his way. You may regard this kind of behavior as a threat to your authority and sense willful disobedience. 

What No One Tells You About Gratitude

You've probably heard it before.

"Live in the moment."
"Be grateful."

Ugh - those same old clichés. Always said at just the WRONG time.

What does that even mean? Live in the moment. What other moment is there to live in? And grateful? Yeah, that's easy for some people to say.

I'll admit that sometimes I not only let those kinds thoughts creep into my mind, but I let them take up residence.

The Truth About Arguing

Do you let your kids argue with you or with each other?
 
When I was growing up, my love of debate and my direct, logical manner was often misinterpreted as anger or rebellion. My intention to engage others in a thoughtful dialogue was misread as being stubborn and argumentative.

Growth Happens When You Aren't Looking

Welcome to the January 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: The More Things Stay the Same

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about the continuity and constancy in their lives. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

When you decide to raise a child without punitive consequences, you will likely be questioned and admired - and also booed, blamed and thought to be irresponsibly contributing to the downfall of society.

You will need the strength of Hercules and the patience of Mother Teresa because growth is sometimes slow to see, but that doesn't mean just because everything looks the same – that nothing is changing.

Why Empathy Doesn't Work - 5 Strategies to Help Kids Express Themselves

When you make the switch to being more conscious and aware of your words and actions - using empathy becomes your "first aid" for negativity. 

Empathy allows us to move through our emotions so we can regain control of our thoughts and behaviors, but for children, self-regulation is a skill which takes time to develop.

You may want (or expect) immediate change. When you are new to parenting with empathy instead of control (and even if you aren't), you may find yourself thinking, "I'm using empathy but my child still won't listen."

When Your Toddler Wants to Give Back the New Baby

So tell me, has this ever happened to you?

You bring home the new baby and your older child reacts by demanding that you immediately return the tiny, wailing human to the hospital (or trade "it" in for a puppy), and no amount of consoling, controlling, punishing or gentle reminding can contain his mounting frustration and loose limbs?