Reactions vs. Responses

How do you respond to conflict?

Do you wince in irritation when your child starts whining?
Do you turn threatening, scary, or react with impatience when your kids start fighting?

Maybe you take a very left-brained, logical, and practical approach when emotions run high?

You may have noticed any one of these reactions often leads to a communication fail.

It can be frustrating.We think we are responding, but we're really stuck in reactive mode or only able to focus on problem solving, advising, or fixing.

Addressing negative behavior requires you to remain emotional - not logical. You have to connect first and move from being reactionary and defensive to being responsive and receptive.

This is a leadership skill which takes an enormous amount of self-care to develop. You'll need to have patience, awareness, and a ton of self-respect before you can find the compassion you need to lead without force. 

Here are some tips and ideas to remind you what you can say to remain emotionally responsive and available to help your children build skills.

Why Empathy Doesn't Work - 5 Strategies to Help Kids Express Themselves

When you make the switch to being more conscious and aware of your words and actions - using empathy becomes your "first aid" for negativity. 

Empathy allows us to move through our emotions so we can regain control of our thoughts and behaviors, but for children, self-regulation is a skill which takes time to develop.

You may want (or expect) immediate change. When you are new to parenting with empathy instead of control (and even if you aren't), you may find yourself thinking, "I'm using empathy but my child still won't listen."