Why We Struggle to Set Boundaries

I love learning how our childhoods have shaped the way we view the world. Understanding my past has brought into clear view why I behave the way I do in certain situations and what I need to work on to be a compassionate leader for my child. 

If you struggle to set boundaries with your kids or have trouble disciplining without getting angry or using force, you can start to turn things around by simply understanding your personal history and digging in to uncover any unresolved childhood wounds.

Why Kids Tattle and What To Do About It

She took my headband!
He touched my Legos!
She's using my iPod!
He won't stop bothering us!
She won't stop hitting us!
They spit on us! Eww!

Those are just a few of the "tattletales" I've heard from my daughter over the years. 

Common responses may sound like - 

Give it back!
Put down those Legos!
Leave it alone!
Stop harassing your sister!
That's not nice! 

But, what do kids learn when we respond with directives, demands, and judgment? 

No More Baby Talk Please

It shouldn't hurt to ask for what we want, but what about when it does?

When kids don't immediately accept limits, it can feel frustrating. However, when we blame our emotional state on our children, they learn it isn't safe to speak up or express how they feel.

Your frustration is valid. Don't deny it - but don't displace it, either.

Own it.

4 Easy Ways to Communicate With Kids Without Even Thinking About It

Kids don't always think before they express because they're immature and often driven by emotions which are fueled by their needs. 

Embracing our emotions to bring us to a new understanding of ourselves is the first step on the path to maturity.

As adults, have we fallen too far to the side of thinking logically about things? Have we forgotten about our internal guide >> our feelings?

Parent According to Your State

Guest Post by Christopher White, MD Founder of Essential Parenting and co-author of Mindful Discipline. 

One common mistake I see parents make — myself included — is to try and discipline/teach their child the same regardless of their level of reactivity.

It is more effective to adjust your intervention based on your state of mind in the moment.

3 Steps to Understanding Your Child's Behavior (Getting Back to Basics - Part III)

Some kids will look at a controlling parent and bury them in frustration (Sorry, Mom).

I know you want to help your kids grow out of childish behaviors and mature into adults who can cope without losing it, display empathy for others, and make thoughtful decisions.

I want to conclude our Getting Back to Basics series with the #1 conscious parenting principle.

Sibling Rivalry? Strategies for Helping Your Kids Get Along

Do your kids get along? 

Some sibling fighting is normal and even healthy. Kids have different personalities, tastes, perceptions, likes, and dislikes and individuality must be allowed if we want authentic connections to form. 

However, we tend to base our value or competence as a parent on how well our kids get along or how much conflict we experience in the family. 

When our kids fight - we feel stressed and blame ourselves.

Why Supernanny is DEAD WRONG!

 

(Read Part 2 of this post here)   

I've really had it with Supernanny.

That's how *this parent* feels. You know when you've really had it with your kids. That's how I feel about this woman who has made a brand out of bad advice that just got disturbingly worse. 

Supernanny was on Good Morning America recently in a segment called, "Taming Toddler Tantrums." With the wealth of information and speakers available to speak on child-rearing and current best practices, I expected more from GMA.

Click here to TWEET GMA and tell them we need to TEACH through Love!

Getting to the Bottom of Behavior

She did it on purpose.

I don't know what she needs.
He's not dysregulated. He was perfectly calm.
She chose to disobey because she didn't like my limit.
He knows the consequences and he defied the rules anyway.
She looked at me, said she understood, and then did it again.
 

Why won't this behavior go away? Does that resonate with you? 

If so, you are not alone. Many parents get tripped up with behavior challenges by trying to change, well... behavior.  

Sound crazy?