Sometimes, out of fear and frustration, we end up sending unintentional messages to our kids. We end up telling them what we think of them instead of sharing how we feel about what's happened and what we would like to happen next. Sharing your needs and preferences builds trust and increases cooperation.
I want to help you get to the bottom of behavior by learning to use words which foster connection - to speak without blame, shame, judgment or guilt.
When our children are made to feel bad for their actions through punitive discipline or judgment - they shrink, they rebel, they lash out or they disappear into their own thoughts and emotions.
Their true motives go unnoticed, their needs hidden in fear, and the tools to cope remain out of reach.
Try these 5 steps to peaceful conflict resolution.
Take a breath and notice.
Empathize with yourself and others.
Acknowledge and validate.
Connect to problem-solve together.
Help your child grow.
An open heart (and not a forced hand) creates a bridge of understanding. Our most basic needs for trust and connection are built upon being seen and heard for who we are and not what we do.
Have you shared your feelings and needs with your kids without blame, shame, judgment or guilt? I'd love to hear about your experience. Share your thoughts in the comments!
Until next time, please remember it's about consciousness - not perfection!
Talk soon,
Lori
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