How Do I Get My Kids to Be Kind to One Another?

Have you ever felt as though your kids have no respect for each other? Or, maybe their language and interactions could use an infusion of kindness?

Sometimes, it's easy to look at sibling or peer conflicts and determine what's wrong, judge it, and then, declare for our children what's fair and right (aka - what should happen next).

But, have you ever looked for the source of your unease with their conflicts on the inside instead of on the outside?

10 Tips For Helping Kids Who Don't Like Hearing "No!"

Many parents come to me in desperation wondering what they are doing wrong and why their kids are still resisting their limits and throwing tantrums even after they provide empathy, and calm, logical explanations.
 
The real reason? We expect empathy (and rational thinking) to magically change behavior.

Empathy is what children need to experience if we want to grow and strengthen the connections in the brain which govern mature behaviors.

We have to allow them to unravel in our presence.
Immaturity is a necessary stage of development. When we allow children to "meltdown" while we remain calm and emotionally available, we provide an essential outlet for their emotions.

This allows children to successfully recover from their feelings of frustration and helplessness and eventually learn to make new choices.

Behavioral change comes after emotions are felt, understood, and processed with the nonjudgmental support of someone who cares about us.

Be patient and supportive as your children learn to manage their feelings with the coping tools that you model and provide.

The hardest part is understanding that just because we set limits with kindness and compassion, it does not mean that children will immediately have the skills and cognitive capability to change their behavior.

Become aware of when you are allowing your discomfort to demand that your children obey or "get over" their feelings.

Make a new choice to model for them with compassion and curiosity about how to respond to life when it's not going their way.


They watch how you respond to:

• small inconveniences 
• other people's anger  
• their emotional highs and lows
  

- and they learn to react based on what they see and how it makes them feel. 

Is it safe to feel mad?
Is it okay to cry when we're sad?

 

How you respond to behaviors such as yelling, stomping, screaming, begging, or hitting makes all the difference in whether your children learn to rely on you to be their reset button.

Don't be offended by behavior. It's not about you.

It's immaturity. And, it's normal. You can build skills without force and punishment.

It takes time for children to take full control of their emotional systems and consistently show positive behaviors. 

Having someone set a boundary with understanding and compassion, and without trying to control the outcome, is what soothes the brain and drives maturity.

In this TEACHable Moments video, I share my top 10 tips for helping kids who don't like hearing "No!"

1. Look for food sensitivities which may be inhibiting positive behaviors.
2. Let go of judgment.
3. Re-frame your language.
4. Set clear, consistent limits.
5. Control the environment to help kids stay within the boundaries you have set.
6. Stay right-brained and connect emotionally.
7. Ask: what is this behavior communicating?
8. Get in some play-time to reconnect after a long day at school.
9. Wait until everyone is calm to teach lessons and problem-solve.
10. Know what sensory experiences help your child calm down.

What do you think?


How do you get your child to regulate and calm down after being upset? Share it in the comments below and help another community member who might be struggling.

Thanks so much for watching and reading!
 
Talk soon,
Lori

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How Do I Get My Toddler To Stop Hitting?

Toddler problems?

I remember a very stressful time when my daughter was young, and we were planning a cross-country move. 

Not only was it stressful for her dad and me, but she was experiencing the same intense and uncomfortable emotions we were feeling, except she had fewer resources to manage her discomfort.

It was not a fun time. 

I couldn't leave her alone with her friends because she was aggressive and reactive, and hurting other kids. 

Can you say not-a-proud-mama-moment!

Life Lessons and Parenting from the Inside Out

These past few weeks have had me surrendering to the final stages of an internal transformation that has been going on for several years.

Sometimes, I feel like I over-share with you and at other times, I feel like I don't share enough about my own personal journey as a parent, human, empath, entrepreneur - all these labels and names I have embodied... or have I allowed them to embody me?

Over the last couple of years, while my outer "persona" and professional life were reaching new heights, my inner emotional world was crumbling.

I felt like a fraud. 

How can I help all these families, when my own was in such turmoil?

How can I be an example of conscious coping and compassion when I was in such rigid resistance to my own feelings about certain aspects of my life?

I realize now that it has all been part of the journey. My most painful experiences have led me to more wisdom than I had before.

Clichés and all.

Crumbling was necessary before I could rebuild my foundation with more self-knowledge and therefore, moresustainable materials.

My mind thrives on meditation.
My body requires me to be gentle
My soul asks that I choose love.

When everything falls apart, you take notice of your resources. You draw on every last piece of strength you can muster and you carry on.

Falling down is possible - staying down was never a choice.

So here I am, rebuilding. Learning to let go and surrender to the dreams I had and the life I once knew.

My life is changing, but I have prepared myself with the tools I'll need to recreate my life.

It isn't the end. It is only a new beginning. I know I will have many more new beginnings to come.

This week, as I reflect back on this personal transformation, I'm sharing some investigative tools to help you uncover what in your life might need transformation - or at least a little nudge in a new direction.

Parenting is hard.

The final session of my Peaceful Solutions for Parents & Kids series is coming up next week. I am always surprised at how fast eight weeks goes by! 

This class is a complete transformation. 

I am amazed and inspired by the families and their willingness to grow.  We talk a lot about "willingness" in my classes - it's part of the process of opening up to new ways of behaving.

In order to chart our progress and create long-lasting change, we have to recognize where we were and how far we have come.

 

Self-awareness is a valuable tool.

I close our series with assessing our skills, resources, strengths, needs, habits, practices and patterns to bring clarity to our unique path.

It is different for everyone. 

No two families or individuals will walk away with the same gifts.  

It is a personal path to peace and it never depends on your kids but on your willingness to accept change. 

You don't need to have participated in this series to answer these questions for yourself and gain valuable insights about what needs to change in your life.

How well do you know your child? How about yourself?

I want to hear from YOU! Take the quizzes above and post any a-HA! moments that you encounter in the comments below.

Thank you for reading!

Talk soon,
Lori  

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How Do I Get My Kids to Stop Fighting?

It's here! It's finally here! The premiere episode of my Conscious Parenting Q&A - TEACHable Moments! 

I have been so excited to put this youtube series - where I answer YOUR questions - on the calendar and start delivering you weekly conscious parenting tips, inspiration, and information.

My goal is to keep this short and sweet because we all know parents are short on time. Be sure to subscribe to my page so you can be notified when a new video is released!