Have you ever been so stressed that your mind shuts down and you lose all words or felt so agitated that you became irrationally hostile or argumentative?
Have you ever been so discouraged that you wanted everyone to just leave you alone?
If you're breathing, then the answer is likely yes. So why do we give kids such a hard time when it happens to them?
It took me a long time to learn to work my way THROUGH emotion. Not around, away from or "with it" - but through.
Think of it like a Chuck-E-Cheese toddler extraction.
Your kid is stuck at the top of the interconnected tube of claustrophobia and it's going to take three tunnels and a precarious net-walk to reach her and guide her out.
You know you're going to have to crouch down, squeeze in, and bear the cramped quarters in several slightly uncomfortable positions as you make your way through the maze, trying not to get trampled or kicked with a Nike Air Force 1, all the while calmly reassuring your child that you are present, available and that she is safe.
Do you crawl through?
Crab walk it?
Stay where you are and coax her down?
Wait for her to figure it out?
Just like life, there are no magic answers and 1-2-3 solutions deny you the opportunity to create #TEACHableMoments.
Punitive discipline is never a sure thing and more importantly, development does not unfold in a straight line.
When your child's reactions seem out of proportion to the situation, can you stop long enough to breathe and reassess whether you're looking through a mature, experienced, adult lens or the narrow perspective of a child who is still learning to understand what is happening internally?
You know what it feels like for you - at 20, 30, or 40 to be unheard by someone - especially a close family member. So, can you imagine what that might feel like for your child who has far fewer years of experience managing strong emotions?
The furor, the rage... the thunderstorm of sensations that cause her to lose all ability to speak, reason, see alternatives or be cooperative until the rush has passed.
Sometimes the only way OUT - is through.
Come to think of it, I once read in the "The Secret Language of Destiny: A Complete Personology Guide" that my destiny was to move people through emotion.
That is the primary focus of my kind of "discipline" - it's self-discipline through self-love. I'm tired of judging people for their strong emotions.
Especially kids. (Because I didn't like it then and it doesn't make me feel better when I do it now.)
So, in this brand new episode of #TEACHableMoments are 5 ideas for keeping the connection strong when your kidsare having trouble coping and speaking clearly about their desires.
How is your relationship with yourself? Is it in need of some self-care repair?
If so, you won't feel resourceful enough to allow your children the freedom to have a bad moment, recover and make amends or a new choice - in their own time.
It's just too much pressure.
Repairing the relationship you have with YOURSELF through things like self-care, affirmations, mindfulness, exercise, and nutrition is going to give you the endurance you need to be emotionally available for your children.
After you watch today's episode, leave me a note in the comments and share two things you can do to re-connect to yourself.
When you share your ideas - folks out there who don't even know where to begin find inspiration!
Thank you so much for watching!
Have a great week!
Conscious Communication - On Demand
This is what one participant had to say...
Hi Lori, and to all the other families dedicated to making a difference to their children. My husband and I just completed the Conscious Communication course and we just cannot thank Lori enough for the ways this course has affected our life. We are seeing big changes.
We had the instinct, the intention and the determination for conscious parenting but lacked the skills and tools required to actually make it happen, until now. A million times, thank you. - Danielle S.
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