How Do I Get My Kids to Listen?

"I just want my kids to listen!"

Resonate with that? Wanting your kids to listen often comes from the need to feel heard, respected or 

I'm sure you've found (or soon will) that obedience and insisting kids "just listen" leads you to focus on getting what you want at the expense of the teachable moment.

 Eventually, your "discipline" stops working. 

The path to obedience can only be consistently achieved through external controls such as punitive measures or fear and anger.

Studies parents who are strict and authoritarian (like Tiger Mom) risk their children having poor coping skills and a variety of psychological issues from depression to anxiety. They also 
grow up feeling unappreciated and in search of their autonomy through ignoring or overpowering others.

In order for you to feel like you are being heard, you have to start identifying what you really need.

"I need you to listen and help me with dinner."

Can you re-frame "I want my kid to listen" into a specific, actionable request?

"I want our agreement to be upheld."
"I want my request for help to be acknowledged with words."
"I would like it if you could look at me when you speak."
"I would appreciate it if you would contribute this evening by setting out the plates while I serve the food."

Move from a vague request for compliance - to a specific request for action.

This helps you stay focused on providing your child with the skill practice, emotional support or connection  s/he needs to develop better tools.

In this TEACHable Moments episode, we are going to look at what we mean when we say, "we want our kids to listen" and I'm sharing some tips for creating more willing cooperation in your home.

Kids learn about their world by the feedback they receive.

When the feedback is unreasonable, intimidating or coercive, kids learn to avoid it, comply to feel safe or shut down the moment they hear ANY request for cooperation or contribution.

When you are stuck in survival, you don't thrive. 

If you aren't thriving, you are missing opportunities to deepen your connection with your kids which strengthens their inner discipline.

After you watch the video, I'd love to know what you've discovered about your listening habits? Are there any tweaks you can make to create an atmosphere of giving in your home?

Leave me a note in the comments and share ONE way you could make a change in this area.

Thanks so much for watching and sharing! Have a great week.

Talk soon,

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