Can you remember a time when someone said to you -- "I'm so disappointed in you" or "What were you thinking?"How did you feel? Did those words produce the experience of feeling calm, reflective and resourceful?
Did you pause to consider how your actions affected others or feel compelled to contribute to the change or did you just feel bad about yourself, and maybe even a little bit embarrassed?
If you are anything like me - especially before I learned to recognize and work through my triggers - the words, "I'm so disappointed in you" led to feeling ashamed and inadequate, making it impossible to reflect clearly on the behavior in question.
It's hard be introspective while feeling shame because shame naturally causes us to avoid looking deeper.
Why would we ever want to look more closely at ourselves if we are holding the belief that we are incapable or less than?
In this TEACHable Moments video, I'm sharing a few simple strategies for shame-proofing your relationship so that your correction is driven by your connection.
Empathy is the antidote to shame. @BreneBrown via @TEACHthruLove (TWEET IT!) I have had to commit to remaining aware of my knee-jerk reactions of shame-based language. If you want to feel confident in your guidance and discipline choices -
-- make that same conscious choice when you communicate your intentions, set a limit, or share your feelings or experience --
Why is it so easy to fall into the shame trap EVEN when we "know better?"
My best guess? Old habits are hard to break.
Your beliefs about parenting, kids, and how to guide their development were formed long before you had children. Imprinted by your early experiences, your reactions and habits were passed down and shaped by your relationships with other adults.
Even if you have done a lot of personal work on your emotional triggers, your behaviors may be unconsciously influenced by these old paradigms of thinking.So tell me, what's your shame story? Maybe it is something you recently discovered was influencing your perspective and actions.
How has it affected your life or relationships with others?
Leave a comment and share the defining moment that had a profound effect on you. Your "me too" just might help someone else struggling as well.
Join the conversation and let the healing begin!
Thanks so much for reading, watching and sharing.
Talk soon,
Lori
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