How to be Non-Punitive But Not Permissive!

Have you ever felt stuck teetering between punitive and permissive and not sure how to get out of it?

Does it seem like if you don't give consequences, then your child will never learn or will walk all over you?

Are you unsure of how to respond to negative behavior without blaming, shaming, or being judgmental?

I can tell you that just because I teach respectful communication does not mean that I don't struggle with parenting.

We teach what we most need to learn, eh?

Just like every other parent, I have times of self-doubt and anger. And I go through phases with my kid where her behavior challenges me to grow and be better than I used to be.

I'm pretty good at staying non-punitive, but it's soooo tempting sometimes - like when I am feeling tired, dysregulated or stressed out.

There are lots of reasons we are swayed by the punitive tools of traditional discipline - convenience, judgment from others, a lack of patience or understanding, the need for immediate relief... etc.  

Breathing through discomfort may seem less effective than screaming or making demands -  but it is a critical step to take if we want to raise emotionally intelligent children.

Paying attention to your child's emotional state is beneficial for the development of their complex thinking skills - those nifty pre-frontal lobes that control decision-making and thoughtfulness depend on a strong emotional foundation.

As parents, teachers, and caregivers, our emotional availability affects our closest relationships and determines how well we can manage conflict, self-regulate, problem-solve, adapt to new circumstances, and whether we can reconsider our ideas and actions when we are presented with new information.

But, did you know that a high degree of emotional intelligence also helps us resist the knee-jerk reaction to use punitive force and helps us set compassionate limits?  

Check out my top tips for being non-punitive but not permissive in this TEACHable Moments video!

Now, l want to know - how do YOU remain a conscious parent?  What helps you stay the non-punitive course? 

Leave me a comment below and add your voice to the discussion!

Thanks so much for reading and watching, and remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Talk soon,


LIKE what you SEE? SHARE it with someone you LOVE!
Can't see the comments, try switching from mobile to desktop view.

About Lori

Order Your Cards Today!

Order Your Cards Today!
Conscious Communication Cards - Kickstarter Rewards Extended thru 10/16