How do you know when your child's emotional needs are languishing?
My daughter can be quick to anger, and her level of reactivity is often my first clue to her current state. Angry kids have unmet needs, and developmentally speaking, they need more from us than just criticism or control.
The degree to which you can remain calm and compassionate depends a great deal on how emotionally available your own caregivers were.
As you learn to become a reliable model for your child to mimic, and a safe home-base on which to rely, you not only help your kids grow, but you get the opportunity to advance in your own personal development (which only enhances other areas of your life).
But, if you choose to stay hardened into positions of power over your children, your unmanaged emotions or punitive attempts to get compliance and calm anger and aggression will actually have the opposite effect - they will increase the negative patterns you were hoping to avoid.
When you take this moment to calm, you remove yourself as a imminent threat.
A harsh or hurried tone, or one which seems uninterested in motivation or intention, and only attentive to obedience, will breed resistance and deny your children the opportunity build their tolerance for frustrating emotions.
Limits and responses delivered with a neutral-to-warm emotional tone will - with practice and the maturity that comes with age - gradually expand your child's regulatory abilities and impulse control.
So, in this episode of TEACHable Moments, I'm sharing strategies you can use to communicate with an angry or aggressive child and show you are present and emotionally available.
Are you ready to receive and express genuine affection and emotion?
Problem-solving and direction should always come after the emotional storm has passed. Try not to make lessons out of your children's mistakes, but instead, notice the effort it took for them to achieve those small steps in the first place.
When you use these tools, you are going to send the message - all is well, and when all is well, the thinking brain can come back online to direct your child's thoughts and actions.
Using these tools will change your child's physiological state, and once you stop the overwhelm which is causing the negative behavior, you can move to the reflection phase, helping your child refocus on his feelings, needs and behaviors.
It is within the safe and understanding boundaries of your compassion for his emotional state that your child can make new choices.
Self-control cannot be taught by controlling others, but by taking control of our own reactions and behaviors.
So, I'd love to know -- What is your biggest obstacle to responding with compassion? How do you most often show your disapproval and which one of these tools do you think will benefit your relationship most?
Leave me a comment below and share your story! You never know, you might just be the inspiration someone else needs to change their situation for the better.
Thank you so much for watch and sharing! Have a great week.
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