Does your teen have a habit of saying one thing and then doing another, maybe with a few eye rolls or constant forgetting or a refusal to what's asked?
I can recall feeling a bit put-upon during my own teenage years.
If I was insubordinate with those in authority, it surely had something to do with feelings of being taken advantage of, having no voice, or feeling unable to express the emotions that I was grappling with.
A cycle of feeling unheard, misunderstood and judged can increase misbehavior as kids use their non-verbal language to communicate with you about what is really going on.Without the tools, words or practice expressing emotions in positive ways, children can spiral into patterns of negativity.
All kids, especially those who may tend to shy away from asserting themselves, need to feel they have a voice - a say in what happens in their lives.
Discipline is not about training kids to feel (remorse, respect) by doing things to them (punishment) and then hoping that they internalize the desired behavior.
Discipline is about learning to manage our internal state so that we can confidently and positively release our stress, discomfort or frustration and express ourselves. From that place of autonomy, we can consciously choose new thoughts and behaviors.
In order to teach our children how to manage their behavior, we must first show them how to manage the sensory experiences that their emotions activate.
In this TEACHable Moments episode, I share 3 tips for the child who has trouble confronting conflict head-on!
When children feel controlled or afraid of the reactions of others - dysfunctional patterns of repressing emotion will develop.
Blood pressure rises, hearts pound, perspectives are limited and when this happens some children will fight you - and some will shut down and run away.
Language can sometimes get in the way, causing more harm than hope, which is why I am so passionate about giving you communication tips which help you connect to your child - rather than deepening the divide.
So what's it like for you? Do you find words get in the way?
Have you left conflict to fester because you avoid dealing with the confrontation?
Share your story of "overcoming the fear of conflict" in the comments below. I would love to hear about it.
I'm hosting another free series - Conscious Communication Strategies. This 4-part series will introduce you to a new blueprint for setting limits and speaking from the heart. Have a wonderful week!
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