5 Ways to Increase Cooperation When Kids Won't Do Their Chores



How do you feel about chores?

Cooking dinner.
Doing the laundry.
Cleaning the house.

I am not the domestic type, and not ashamed to admit that I hate the repetition of routine chores and household tasks. 

Despite my contempt, the reality is that things must get done. But how? 

If I had a magic lamp and 3 wishes, I'd wish for a maid, an errand runner, and a personal chef so I'd never have to waste another minute doing things I really dislike.

Of course, while I am waiting for my genie to show up, I need to somehow motivate myself to get things done on my own.

I resist.

I procrastinate.

I slide by with lukewarm leftovers and air-fluffed clothes for so long until finally, I muster the energy and inspiration to meet my responsibilities and cook a proper meal or freshen the sheets.

I can assure you that it isn't a sense of obligation or duty to my family that helps motivate me.

I don't respond well to guilt.

Even as a child, punishment, and judgment never instilled in me the desire to finish my chores, or willingly make contributions. I complied because I worried about being rejected or blamed.

Mostly, those punitive actions made me angry and resentful and my behavior suffered even more. Thus, a cycle of punishments - and then harsher punishments - ensued.

What I know now...

One of our goals as parents is to assist our children in the development of their intrinsic motivation - a desire to act (or in this case - be responsible) without the external pressure to conform or behave.  

Kids can ignore their chores for all kinds of reasons. If we can stop and be receptive to the reasons why they may be failing to meet their responsibilities, we have a greater chance of helping them develop the discipline they need to cope with things they don't like and motivate them to contribute because they care about themselves or others, rather than because they feel forced to help.

In this TEACHable Moment video, I share 5 ways you can build cooperation when your kids refuse to do their chores.




It is so important to get really clear on what your needs are, so you can take care of them before you make requests of your child.

Forcing children to change their behavior with blame, shame, judgment, or guilt will leave you in a battle of wills and rooted in an ego-led conflict, each of you asserting your desire to be seen, heard, and understood.

Click here for a handy infographic on pinpointing whether the challenges are: 

Developmental
Stress Related
Relational

Learn what naturally motivates your children by working with them instead of against them.


And remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Talk soon, 
Lori

 

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