Model Child

Sometimes, being a Conscious Parent can be as frustrating as parenting without awareness but with more complications. It demands that I remain "in the moment" with my child and it also requires me to be creative in getting through the moment.

On the upside, when I am parenting consciously I am rewarded with an undeniable emotional connection with my child. Without a doubt, when I take the time to identify her needs, model empathy and compassion for her feelings and resist the urge to give in to her wants out of convenience, I feel vastly different than when I use force, manipulation or threats (I really don't do those things but let me tell ya, sometimes I feel the burn).

Clearly, it is not always an easy road and in case anyone is ever feeling drained with how much time it can take to parent with awareness or how frustrating it can be when you can't get out of the house by 8:45a.m. because you're busy validating feelings and needs - here's a little story that made me remember why it's all worth it.

My three-year-old daughter ML and I were on our way home from our kid's movement class and ML's buddy Nevin was upset because he wanted to go to a restaurant (we usually went after class). When he found out that we definitely were not "going to the restaurant" he burst into tears.

Nevin's mom and I looked at each other as if to say, "Okay, how are we gonna get out of this one..." and then before either one of us said a word, ML turned to him from her car seat and said, "You wanted to go to the restaurant... You thought we were going." She had so much compassion in her voice and eyes, I didn't know whether to crack-up or cry.

Nevin, intrigued by her tone, calmed down enough to listen. "You really wanted to go to the restaurant." she re-iterated. He nodded his head and whimpered, "Yes, I'm sad!"  Then he wailed once more as the tears poured out.

"I know, I know, You're sad!" ML said,  nodding with him. "You're so SAD! I know..."

After a moment she said, "You thought we were going out to eat! But guess what? We are going to go home to "the Papa Nick" (my husband) restaurant and then you will have a delicious piece of chicken and...."

Somewhere shortly after that sentence, her reasoning turned into a jumbled mess of nonsensical words (she's three) but she did it with a big finish and a smile which made Nevin laugh. Feeling better (and heard), he forgot all about how he wanted to "go to the restaurant" and we averted a 5pm meltdown... or Maia Luna did.

She modeled the TEACH method for Nevin. And his Mama and I didn't have to say a word.

So the next time somebody complains (or suggests) that kids who are parented with unconditional love are the rudest generation in history or that this non-violent parenting stuff is crap - just give 'em the finger and tell them to "model this..." Err, no, no ... I mean, just point to your child, smile and say, "time will tell."

 




Post your thought and comments below!  Share YOUR stories of kids who care!