How to Lovingly Guide Children Through Difficult Emotions


My nine-year-old's mood changes are fast and furious these days.

It feels as though one minute we're blissfully dancing in the rain puddles at the park and then suddenly, without warning, we're in a lightning storm and I'm riding the metal merry-go-round.

Sound familiar? 


It's jarring, triggering, and totally maddening.

"I just wanted things to be calm. Why is she being like this?"

Three Ways You Can Be More Empathetic (But Not Permissive) With Your Kids


Empathy can be tricky. 

Do you ever feel like you try to show empathy, but it only makes your child more angry or insistent on having their own way?

One of the first tasks I guide my clients through is developing a deeper understanding of how to use empathy.

I know you want to set firm limits without feeling like you've been railroaded by your kids.

Annoying Behaviors & Kids Who Fight? Here's How to Keep the Peace




Picture this...

The fire is crackling, the rain is steadily tapping at the windows and I'm folding left-over tissue paper, cleaning up the remains of another holiday-palooza.

The children are joyfully singing in front of the tree, and tattooing each other with face-paint and glitter.
 
There is no stress, no battling, no blaming or feeling like the kids run the house. Even the dog is quiet.
 
Isn't this what we all want? 

Why Time-Out Is A Good Idea




"Mom! Stop, listen!"

"I am listening."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about. You're so annoying"

Suddenly, the wind had changed, warning sirens were ringing through the air, and an unpredictable twister was headed straight in our direction, determined to steal our sunny morning.

Why Nagging Never Works and What Really Creates Responsible Behavior



"Daddy doesn't NEED me to get my shoes on. He WANTS me to get my shoes on!" my nine-year-old cried from behind the bathroom door.

Oh, how right she was! 


The One Consequence That Matters Most to Your Child






When humans are frustrated, anxious or stressed, they can lose control of their words and actions. Insults fly, blame bursts forth and anger arises out of nowhere.

When we are flooded by emotion and unable to reign it in, we need less judgment from others about our behavior and more comfort and compassion in understanding what is happening to us. 


Sometimes, parents unconsciously withdraw from connection in an attempt to remain firm and enforce boundaries. However, our children need us to be their guiding light, not their "consequence."

Kids Don't Listen? Change the Way You Speak



"How do I get my kids to listen" and "Will you give me the concrete tools I need to make it happen?"

Definitely the top questions that parents, who consider joining my community, want to know. 


What do I do to get her to pick up her clothes, finish her lunch, turn off the iPad etc.?

Parenting With Presence, A Conversation w/ Susan Stiffelman




What does parenting with presence mean to you?

For me, it means being mindfully aware and alert to my internal state and my outer experience. 


It means not checking-out or shutting-down when I become frustrated by my daughter's discontent, but to take steps to contain my emotional upset.

Helping Anxious Children Manage Scary Thoughts


When our emotions hijack our sense of security, we can quickly drop into rigid, obsessive or even unreasonable thoughts and behaviors.
 

“My 7 year old daughter has told me before, "I'm thinking of a bad word but I know I shouldn't say it."  I would respond with. "Well, don't say it."  But, last night she wrote to me how she had a "bad head" because she had a "bad thought." Can it be due to her moderate anxiety and her OCD tendencies? How can I help her when she says stuff like that?” - G

How can we respond to our children's scary thoughts and worrying emotions so they don't internalize the negativity? How can we help them learn to reflect and release any unhealthy or persistent thoughts?

Helping Kids Heal from Traumatic Events


What helps kids recover from traumatic events? How can we help them move beyond scary experiences?








"I have a 5 year old son who has become more and more clingy over the past year. He doesn't like to do anything without me and when I go away he becomes really upset. A few weeks ago he got lost on some trails near our house. He was alone for over an hour on the trails, cold, wet, and expecting me to show up any minute. I was the one who found him eventually and we were both pretty scared. Since then, any time I go mountain biking, he becomes really upset and angry. Tonight he sat on the front step and wouldn't budge until I came home. He yells all kinds of mean things at his Dad and says he doesn't know how to take care of him. I've tried talking to my son about it, but I don't know if he really even understands why he's feeling what he's feeling, so how can he express it to me?" - B.

This is a great question! Children can easily be traumatized by events that adults perceive as temporary or non-threatening. 

Obviously, this experience of being lost was terrifying for you both, but for your son - it was the last straw.  

How to Not Raise an Asshole (By Not Being One)



I see and hear a lot of banter on the internet begging instructing parents on "how to not raise an asshole. 

It appears there's a lot of sanctimonious judgment of children (and parents) floating around in cyberspace these days, but what I don't see is anyone writing articles for parents on how to not BE an asshole (hence not raise one). 

So, I thought I'd jot down a couple of quick tips.  

How Do I Stop Reacting? (Handling Your Anger in Front of Your Kids)




Most parents - after asking me how to stop behavior - ask me, how to stop reacting.

It seems that once folks understand that it is to be expected that children will - cry, whine, resist and push - and they realize it isn't their job to fix anything - they ask, "Well, then how do I stop getting so angry?"

It is the peeling of an onion. 



 I don't know that we can “stop getting angry” as much as we can shift to a state of responsibly managing our anger and initiating repair when our anger affects our children.

Parenting Under Stress: Advice & Support



All children test boundaries, right?

However, holding those boundaries without getting angry and being able to compassionately set limits takes an incredible amount of self-awareness and emotional maturity. 

Do you feel like you need to brush up on your self-regulation skills?

Children need us to be attentive and available to help them regain their emotional balance. 

In the early years, a child's emotional balance can be thrown off needing to be re-set as often as every FIVE minutes.

Intense? Draining?

Just a weeeee bit.

Why Kids Talk Back and What To Do About It



Do your kids talk back? Do you have a tween or teen who has become increasingly sassy or smart-mouthed?

Back Talk
Disrespect
Moodiness

How do we teach lessons without shame or blame and still allow our kids to fully embrace the intensity of their emotions? 

It is a delicate balance of setting firm boundaries to establish a sense of safety and respect and accepting and allowing for the natural push-back against those boundaries.

About Lori

About Lori