Oh Supernanny! You've brought a palliative calm to many American families. Gliding in on your broom to deliver copious amounts of British charm and disciplined doses of the naughty mat.
But is this strict regimen of punishments and rewards a true recipe for family success?
Unfortunately, this mama thinks not!
Many of today's reality-based parenting shows try to reach out with an authoritative hand to the scores of desperate parents in chaotic households across America, and I contend that, while their aim is high, the target is missed.
The dominant power-based parenting paradigm, a blend of parenting techniques based primarily on the behaviorist view of child development, is used by all the major parenting shows, despite the fact that these concepts are now viewed as overly narrow by most child development experts.
This approach focuses on the child's behavior and emphasizes discipline and control as the predominant means of parenting.
The needs of parents have shifted. Consciousness is changing, and parents are seeking new ways of interacting with their children.
We no longer wish to parent the way our parents did.
We’re also finding that techniques such as time-outs and reward charts are only marginally effective, and studies have shown they can be detrimental to children's long-term motivation and self-esteem.
Though proven to be damaging to a child's emotional well-being, the Old Parenting Paradigm remains well-entrenched in today's parents' minds and gobbled up by the TV masses, not for its ability to heal familial angst but for lack of a better alternative.
We deserve a TV show that restores love, respect, and problem-solving to the discipline equation and offers parents a chance to connect with and enjoy their children without resorting to behavior modification or rules like, “If you do this… then you can have that.”
We need to erase the old parenting paradigm structures from the eager minds of American parents, not reinforce outdated thinking with wit and advertising.
I believe a show that seeks to replace the old paradigm with a new understanding of children can dramatically affect the relationships within today's families.
We need to learn how to remove the barriers to emotional connection and respect that were created by punishments, carrot-and-stick reward systems, and methods of love-withdrawal, including time-outs.
Promoting non-violent communication is the key to unruly children, not slapping them with charts and stickers or harsher consequences.
We must recognize that they are more than the sum total of their behavior. They are gentle souls who are demanding (LOUDLY) that we respect them.
Parents today are more aware of the emotional connection to their children and are demanding better alternatives.
Today's children do not need "more rules, harsher consequences," or "loaded praise and rewards," and parents do not need to "take control."
What is needed is a clear and gentle readjustment of society's attitude towards parenting and children, and a commitment to raise the awareness of conscious parenting and emotional abuse in homes all over America.
Where is that show for progressive parents, for those looking beyond traditional solutions to their parenting woes?
We are not living in our parents' world, so there is no good reason to rely on the parenting styles they used.
Stay tuned…
Talk soon,
Lori
What do you think? Post your comments below!
