It shouldn't hurt to ask for what we want, but what about when it does?When kids don't immediately accept limits, it can feel frustrating. However, when we blame our emotional state on our children, they learn it isn't safe to speak up or express how they feel.
Your frustration is valid. Don't deny it - but don't displace it, either.
Own it.
Allow yourself to say (preferably in your head if it's too emotionally intense), "I am F&^%$ing ANGRY and frustrated."
Say it without placing blame.
Don't give away your power by telling your children they are in control of your feelings.
"You know I don't like that."
"You're making me angry."
You've been led to believe that by allowing your children to express their feelings and tell you over and over about what they desire, you are giving in to their whims or behavior will escalate.
It's a lie. Refusing to listen, blaming, and pushing away discomfort will amplify a child's negative feelings of powerlessness. Children will either shut down or scream out.
Until the inner world is dealt with, self-regulation will remain elusive. When the baby-talk, whining or complaining leave you wondering what to do, try this instead -
You don't have to give in. You do have to listen.
Listening is the magic elixir. It soothes. It eases. It reconnects. When you listen, you don't have to say much.
Want more tips like this? Check out the 5 Biggest Communication Mistakes Most Parents Make - and learn what to say instead!
Thank you for reading and please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect!
Talk soon,
Lori
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