I often share tips about how to re-frame the way you talk to your kids but what about the way you talk about your kids and the challenges you are having?Do you post questions in your favorite forums or conscious parenting pages?
How do you describe the conflicts you experience?
He's so needy.These statements lead us down a dead-end road.
She won't listen.
She's so sensitive.
He's driving me nuts.
She is such a handful.
He'll defy you out of spite.
She is so disrespectful to me.
He tantrums if he doesn't get his way.
How we define the situation or conflict contributes to how well we can find creative, compassionate solutions and it can also leave us feeling stressed and frustrated, limiting our perspective and ability to problem-solve.
If you have a habit of repeating negative situations, telling the story over and over or framing typical behaviors as problems - do not fret! Shift the way you talk about things.
Behavior problems are developmental challenges.
It takes a long time to mature into a thoughtful, responsible, self-regulated person. And, our relationships, experiences, and temperament influence the coping tools we have available.
Childhood is not the time to "get control" but a time where kids often "lose it" within the safe and compassionate arms of emotionally available caregivers. This is how they find their balance and learn to motivate themselves to be responsible, capable beings.
So what do you want to talk about - behavior problems or developmental challenges?
Can you think of one "behavior problem" you have and identify the feelings and needs motivating the behavior?
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. @DrWayneWDyer (TWEET IT!)DO THIS NEXT:
1. Choose one challenge you are having.
2. Reframe it into a nonjudgmental observation.
3. State your feelings + needs.
4. Share your answers in the comments below.
How many re-frames can we do today? You'll be giving thousands of parents NEW ways to speak about things! So go, do, post!
Talk soon,
Lori
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