What to Do When You Are No Longer Using Punishment

Have you ever felt at a loss for what to do to make sure your kids learn lessons?

Have you traded in punishment for something more emotionally responsive, but aren't sure your kids are really learning what's important?

Are you wondering exactly what you are supposed to do about misbehavior?

Recently, I've been watching the Brady Bunch with my daughter and reliving my childhood. The more I watch these episodes (for the millionth time), the more I love The Brady's.

Ever-thoughtful, fair, and calm, Mike & Carol Brady rarely imposed punishments or used blame or shame to teach lessons.
 
I'm sharing with you the Brady Bunch episode which broke my heart in 1981. "The Private Ear" is the episode where Greg and Marcia trick Peter, as payback for some eavesdropping, into thinking his parents are throwing him a surprise party.



I sobbed quietly, on my grandmother's shag rug, as my heart split in two the moment Peter discovered there was no party, and it was just a "dirty trick" Greg and Marcia played on him. 

I felt so bad for him - it hurt - physically (Aspie empathy). 

However, what those confident and conscious Brady folks did next was unforgettable, and more importantly, how they responded to Greg and Marcia was -- priceless!! 

Watch this TEACHable Moments video to find out what they said which made ALL the difference. I'll also share a few strategies for how to respond when you are no longer punishing your kids.

The "discipline" is IN the relationship.  (TWEET IT!)

It seems we don't trust that our relationships are strong enough to make a difference.

When kids are young, it can seem like nothing ever changes. Development is a sloooooow, drawn-out process. It is hard to imagine the change and feel self-assured that kids will really "get it" if you don't impose a "logical consequence."

But, rest assured, it's a MYTH.

Punishment does not teach accountability and consequences are natural (if you don't get in the way). You may have to control the environment for things like safety and even step in and use protective force when necessary, but it never needs to be framed as a "punishment."

"Hit the dog one more time, and you won't play with him again."

vs.

"Whoa - I won't let you hit the dog. I'm going to separate you two so I can keep you both safe."

The choice to be calm and non-judgmental is just that... a choice. 

  Ask yourself -

Am I a better parent when I am calm or when I am imposing my will through my language, attitude, and tone?

Be honest and authentic with your kid and willing to repair when "honest and authentic" is a little too real for young eyes and ears, and trust me, they will learn from YOU.

What do you think? Leave me a comment below and share you switch-to-non-punitive-parenting story! It just might inspire someone else toward the change they were hoping for!

Thanks so much for reading and watching! Want to learn more strategies for parenting without punitive consequences? Click here to sign up for my free video series.

Talk soon,
Lori 

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