3 Steps to Understanding Your Child's Behavior (Getting Back to Basics - Part III)



If you asked my grandmother how she got her kids to listen, she'd probably say, "tellalissen."

That is - "Me-ah tell-ah, you-ah listen."

Oh, if it were only that simple, Nonna. Some kids will take that controlling viewpoint and bury you in frustration (Sorry, Mom).

I know you want to help your kids grow out of childish behaviors and mature into adults who can access positive coping skills, display empathy for others, and make better decisions.

I want to conclude our Getting Back to Basics series with the #1 conscious parenting principle.


Behavior is Communication 

Behavior contains information about what kids need, how they feel and offers meaningful clues to help you shift the situation.

Listening.

Listening to behavior is a skill. It is about much more than passing judgment and demanding change. Listening to behavior involves being curious about your child's experience.


Behavior is driven by a combination of a few things:
  1. your child's ability to understand and manage his/her emotional state.
  2. how skilled your child is at self-regulation, communication and making thoughtful decisions. (these skills are largely influenced by developmental milestones and not punitive restrictions or rewards)
  3. how connected your child feels to others.

A lack of warm, loving connections or too many harsh, critical interactions, whether at home or at school, can lower children's tolerance for stress and change.
 

Criticism creates hyper-vigilance. Intolerance with mistakes and poor behavior can trigger a storm of emotions which kids can't handle.
 
When kids feel:

  • unheard at home
  • judged for their behavior
  • left out or disconnected from others
  • unable to meet the expectations of adults

- they may exhibit extreme reactions to any demand made on them because the feeling of powerlessness overrides their capacity to stay self-aware and calm


Re-focus your efforts by addressing the what is underneath the behavior influencing your child's choices.


In the final video of our TEACHable Moments Back to Basics Series, we are going to formulate a plan to target the root cause of behavior in just three steps.


http://ctt.ec/Vs687Mistakes are an opportunity to learn more - not a failure to do better.  (Tweet it!)

After you watch, I'd love to know, which area your children struggle with most and what is ONE thing you can do to support their growth and development?

Leave me a comment below and share your ideas because you never know when your story might just inspire someone else toward making the changes they were looking for.

Thank you for reading and watching. See you next time!

Warmly,
Lori




Did you miss Part One or Part Two in the Getting Back to Basics Series?
Check them out here:
Part One: Discipline Burnout
Part Two: Breaking Bad Habits

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About Lori